The Anime-zing Race

Episode Five

Author’s Notes
Not surprisingly, the biggest source of comment involved Meiling and Ash’s adventures at the Jusenkyo springs. I’ll explain a few things to the unenlightened since it does become something of a plot point later on (said the masses- “Whoo!”). The Jusenkyo springs are hundreds of little springs, each with its own unique curse (developed by whatever animal drowns in it). You invoke the curse by falling into it. From then on, whenever you get splashed with cold water, you take on the form of whatever the curse entails- whether girl, panda, piglet, or yeti riding a bull carrying a crane and eel (I am NOT making that up!). Hot water changes you back. The only true cure for it is a return trip to Jusenkyo and a dip in the spring of your true form (Meiling would be cured by falling into the Spring of Drowned Girl). With that squared away, let’s make it happen.

Recap

Shampoo: (VO) Last time, on Ranma-airen leg of Anime-zing Race...

(Various recap of highlights from Episode Three, showing whatever is appropriate.)

Shampoo: (VO) Teams weak. They no even beat Mousse.

Henry: (VO) We’re one of the smaller teams, but I thought that because I was involved with martial arts, I’d be okay. Not true.

Shampoo: (VO) Finding plane to China very very difficult.

Brock: (VO) We’ve been up since 3:30 in the morning, and our minds are officially shot. There isn’t any airline here that flies to Xining, and nobody can find us a connection we can use.

Shampoo: (VO) And Meiling and Ash find out about Jusenkyo curse first hand.

Misato: (VO) In my head I was planning out if it was possible to get ahead of those two after they got the clue first. But then it happened.

Shampoo: (VO) Spike & Jet were too too slow in Hong Kong, and are four team gone.

(Rapid shots of each of the seven teams in various positions along the fourth leg.)

Shampoo: (VO) Seven teams left!

(Shot of the Pit Stop mat in the Amazon village, with nobody standing around it.)

Shampoo: (VO) Who be gone tonight, in Jungle Guu leg of Anime-zing Race!

 

**** THE ANIME-ZING RACE ****
11 TEAMS OF 2:
TAKUYA & ZOE (The Digi-Destined- Digimon) {ELIMINATED}
SAKURA & TOMOYO (The Best Friends- Cardcaptor Sakura)
SPIKE & JET (The Bounty Hunters- Cowboy Bebop) {ELIMINATED}
ASH & BROCK (The Trainers- Pokémon)
AEKA & SASAMI (“Team Princess”- Tenchi Muyo) {ELIMINATED}
MISATO & RITSUKO (NOT “Team Pen-Pen”- Evangelion)
SYAORAN & MEILING (The Cousins- Cardcaptor Sakura)
TAKATO & HENRY (The Tamers- Digimon)
YUKINO & ARIMA (The Dating Couple- Kare Kano)
KIYONE & MIHOSHI (The Police Officers- Tenchi Muyo)
GARY & SAMUEL (The Grandson/Grandfather- Pokémon) {ELIMINATED}

12 LEGS…
15 SERIES…
5 COUNTRIES, 2 PLANETS, 3 DIMENSIONS, AND A SPACE STATION…
**** THE ANIME-ZING RACE ****

 

Leg Five
(Various shots of the village. It's a quaint little... Chinese Amazon village. Shampoo is standing in front of a hut.)
Shampoo: This Joketsuzoku. Amazon village in Quinghai province China. It also fourth Pit Stop in race.

(Shot of the exhausted Sakura and Tomoyo arriving.)

Shampoo: (VO) Teams arrived at end of last leg for rest.

(Pan across an extended table where all the teams are sitting at dinner. Misato has her legs kicked up on the table and is scarfing ramen, probably courtesy of the Cat Cafe. As we continue along we notice that Mihoshi is fast asleep while Kiyone, ignoring her partner, is chatting with Yukino.)

Shampoo: (VO) They can eat, sleep, and mingle. During this Pit Stop, mingling actually interesting for once.

(Yukino and Kiyone are alone outside the huts. It's morning, before they have to take off.)

Yukino: (VO) Since we finished first place, I've never been so calm since we began. So it's a lot easier to get along with everybody during the Pit Stop. Kiyone especially. She and I seem to think on similar wavelengths, so it's very easy to keep up appearances around her.

Yukino: We never seem to be in the same place, Kiyone, but from what I've seen, you've been doing a fantastic job!

Kiyone: Maybe, but it feels like I can do better.

Yukino: Don't worry about it. Just keep playing your own game and you'll be fine.

Kiyone: It's tough though. I mean, Mihoshi's not exactly the ideal partner.

Yukino: Well, it's not like Arima's...

(One glance from Kiyone straightens her out.)

Yukino: Okay, Arima's the greatest and Mihoshi's... Mihoshi.

Kiyone: That's why some help would be nice.

Yukino: You aren't suggesting one of those alliance things, are you?

Kiyone: No! No! Well... kind of.

Yukino: I suppose it would work out if we weren't connected at the hip. If we happen to get stuck together and aren't in last place, we can work together. If we're apart... we're on our own.

Kiyone: That works. I want to be able to work with another team, but I don't want it to hold me back.

Yukino: Well, I wouldn't mind getting some advice from a team that's actually been to places. I haven't really been anywhere. Arima has, but I'm pretty lost when it comes to travel. Even this place is a little overwhelming.

Kiyone: Yeah. What I'm worried about is the taxi situation.

Yukino: The taxis?

Kiyone: Yeah. Think about it- every leg, we start by either hailing a cab or having cars provided. I don't see any of the kids' drivers around, so we'll probably have to find a taxi to get out of here.

Yukino: Can we call in advance?

Kiyone: I think so. That's what I want to do.

Yukino: Smart move. I think Arima and I might do the same thing. Well, here's to working with you!

(Kiyone shakes Yukino's hand.)

Kiyone: Certainly!

Kiyone: Yukino is a very admirable person. She has everything working for her at this point, while we've been bumbling screw-ups for the whole race. I feel that I can trust her to help us out down the road.

(Back to Shampoo, standing in front of a route marker.)

Shampoo: The seven teams left have no idea what ahead. They must learn how to get to marker by solving clue in envelope.

 

(Shot of Yukino & Arima modestly stepping onto the Pit Stop first.)
Shampoo: (VO) Yukino and Arima first to get here at 8:03 at night...

(Yukino & Arima are now rested and ready the next morning.)

Shampoo: (VO) They first to leave at 8:03 in morning.
(Arima rips the clue open.)
[YUKINO & ARIMA- Dating Couple- First to Depart]
Arima: Return to the Airport at Xining and fly to the jungle...

(Yukino smiles and nods, then suddenly grabs the clue away.)

Yukino: Fly to where?

 

(Rapid shots of a taxi driving back to Xining, and a plane taking off, followed by a taxi driving to the jungle. Host number one is the cutie-pie Mari.)
Mari: (VO) Teams must find a way back to the airport and fly all the way to my village in the jungle! Once there, they'll find the clues stored in our lockers at school.

 

(A cab arrives right on time. The kareshi and the kanojo approach it.)

Yukino: Perfect timing! Xining Airport please!

Arima: Nice way to think ahead. Good Yukino!

(Arima pats her on the head as they get in.)

Arima: She never fails to amaze me. Four legs, and our relationship has only gotten stronger. We haven't really had our share of bumps in the road, but when we do, I'm sure we'll handle them together.

 

(Takato & Henry step off the mat.)
[TAKATO & HENRY- Digimon Tamers- 2nd to Depart]
Takato: Where the heck is the jungle?

Henry: We'll worry about it after we get to Xining.

Takato: We felt really good starting the leg off. For three of four legs we've finished second, and we were totally ready to try to make a move to get into first. But then we found out about the cabs.

(They are now outside the village.)

Takato: Um... taxi?

(Out of nowhere a taxi pulls up.)

Takato: Wow. I wasn't expecting that to work.

(They approach it. The cabbie rolls down a window.)

Cabbie: You two Kiyone Makibi and Mihoshi Kuramitsu?

Henry: No.

Cabbie: Well tell them to get here quick, 'cause I don't wanna wait long.

Henry: Shoot, Takato- we probably have to call one ourselves. Let's get back there.

(Takato and Henry run back to the Pit Stop.)

 

(Sakura is reading the clue. Tomoyo is wearing a forced smile.)
[SAKURA & TOMOYO- Best Friends / Classmates- 3rd to Depart]
Sakura: Fly to the jungle? What part of the jungle?

(She ponders it as the two begin to head out. They are met by Takato & Henry.)

Henry: Did you two call a cab?

Sakura: No...

Takato: There aren't any around here, so we need to find someplace to call one.

(The boys begin to run past, when Sakura grabs Takato's hand.)

Sakura: Wait! Why don't we get one together? That way we can save money!

Henry: Sure, whatever. Just uh... don't let any of the other teams find out what we're doing. I think we were supposed to call ahead.

Takato: I'll go call one.

Sakura: I'll go with!

Henry: Yeah. Tomoyo and I'll wait here. Just lay low!

(Takato and Sakura run off.)

Sakura: It's only natural to work with Takato and Henry. Li and Meiling are more than an hour behind us, but it's better to save money and work together!

 

(Takato is on the phone, while Sakura is keeping a lookout.)

Takato: So how quick can you get here? Really? Well, try to go fast because we're in a race.

(Takato hangs up and turns to Sakura.)

Takato: They have a cab that can seat all four of us, but they said it'll take about forty minutes to get here.

Sakura: That's okay. At least we have one!

Takato: I guess so...

(They walk back. Off in the distance, Meiling sees them for a split second.)

Meiling: The hell?

 

(Kiyone & Mihoshi walk from the Pit Stop to their awaiting cab.)
[KIYONE & MIHOSHI- 4th to Depart]
Mihoshi: This was a great idea! Good thinking Kiyone!

(Kiyone can't help but be a little proud of herself as she gets into the cab.)

Kiyone: The cab thing really paid off. I don’t think the kids got one. So we'll get to the airport second, and hopefully we'll be able to work with Yukino and Arima a little to put some space between us and them.

 

(Behind them, Henry is waiting impatiently while Tomoyo has now released her facade.)

Henry: What's wrong with you?

Tomoyo: Oh... it's nothing.

Henry: Doesn't look like it. Damn, where are they?

Tomoyo: Have you ever let somebody down, but that person says it's okay and they aren't bothered by it.

Henry: Yeah. Why?

(Tomoyo looks down.)

Tomoyo: I don't think I'm doing a good job as Sakura's partner.

Henry: Why do you say that?

Tomoyo: Last time, she wanted to wait for Li and Meiling... but I wanted to go ahead so we'd stay ahead of you and Takato.

Henry: Uh huh...

Tomoyo: But you ended up passing us anyway, so it didn't really matter. And then when we were running to the Pit Stop, I slowed her down... and you passed us again. I love being in this together with Sakura-chan, but I'm afraid I'm holding her back.

Henry: Uh... well...

Tomoyo: I shouldn't be bothering you with my problems. But I don't want to tell them to Sakura-chan. That would make her sad. And I can't let Sakura be sad. When she's happy, that's what makes me happy.

Henry: Right...

(Henry glances away.)

Henry: Ever since we left Kyoto, it seems that Sakura and Tomoyo have been our biggest competition. We've been pretty much neck-and-neck the whole time. So what am I supposed to do when Tomoyo starts talking about her problems? If she's not mentally focused, it would be easy to get ahead of them in the race. But I'd hate to do that to such a sweet girl.

 

(Finally, a large van arrives. The four had been awaiting it for sometime, and are all happy to see it. So much, in fact, that Sakura hugs Takato, causing some serious blushing. The four dump their bags in the back and they head for Xining.)

 

(Before too long, the fifth team departs. Meiling reads the clue.)
[SYAORAN & MEILING- Cousins- 5th to Depart]
Meiling: School, lockers, blah blah blah, let's go.

Syaoran: You sure you're okay?

Meiling: I'm fine Syaoran!

Meiling: (VO) The old lady said that she cured my leopard problem, but she also gave me this stuff called Instant Nyannichuan. She said I should use the Nyannichuan in case it comes back.

 

(They reach the road, and again- nothing is there. Both are semi-angry.)

Meiling: That's what Kinomoto was doing- she was calling a cab! And she didn't tell us! How rude...

(They head back to call a cab.)

Syaoran: (VO) Meiling says she saw Kinomoto and Matsuki after they were supposed to have left. I wasn't too sure about it, until we found out we needed to hail our own cabs. That's probably what they were doing, and I don't understand why she didn't tell us in advance. Just because they're ahead of us doesn't mean the alliance has to be over.

 

(The seating in the cab is designed so that the four sit facing each other. Takato and Sakura sit on one side while Henry and Tomoyo sit on the other. They seem to be enjoying themselves.)
[TAKATO & HENRY / SAKURA & TOMOYO- Tied for 3^rd Place]
Henry: So you’re mom’s in charge of the company? Wow.

(Tomoyo nods.)

Tomoyo: It has its drawbacks too. She works long hours sometimes.

Takato: Yeah. You know my Dad used to be in business. He was in mid-management, and he was doing fine. Clawing his way up, I guess. But then one day, he just got tired of it, and quit. Then he went out and bought the bakery we run now. And he never once regretted it.

(Sakura is smiling at Takato. Takato begins to blush.)

Sakura: Wow. My Daddy’s an archeologist. He loves it!

(Takato smiles. Henry turns to Tomoyo.)

Henry: You know, I’m just wondering- you seem to be doing pretty well. So why do you need 10 million yen? Er… five million if you split it.

Tomoyo: Oh, Sakura can have all the money if we win.

Takato: Really?

Tomoyo: Yes. I’m not doing this for the money. All I ask is that Sakura buy me one thing.

Sakura: What’s that?

Tomoyo: A night-vision lens.

Henry: Why do you need a night-vision lens?

Tomoyo: (dreamy) Because I can never be too prepared for Sakura-chan’s honeymoon night!

(Henry and Sakura sweatdrop. Takato is now blushing profusely.)

Takato: It was fun riding with Sakura. It’s nice having someone to talk to besides Henry. And, uh… well… she’s kinda cute. Especially when she smiles at me.

 

(Airport at Xining. Yukino and Arima are way ahead when they arrive. Arima is on the phone while Yukino waits. As she waits, she explains to the camera guy what’s going on.)

Yukino: We got tickets for a flight to Beijing right away. But since it’s awhile before the flight, a few of the other teams might get on it, so we’re looking up stuff about flights to this jungle. It would be nice to have all our connections out of the way before we leave Xining.

(Arima covers up the receiver and turns to Yukino.)

Arima: Are Kiyone and Mihoshi here yet?

Yukino: They might be. I’ll go look.

(After some searching, the GXP officers are indeed there.)

Yukino: Where’s the kids?

Kiyone: They didn’t know a thing. They’re way behind us.

Yukino: Good. We found a good flight to Beijing. Could you help us look for something to the jungle?

(They walk up to a desk.)

Yukino: (VO) I’ll admit. Part of me wanted to dash right off and leave the cops in the dust. But after weighing my options, it’ll be better for me in the long run to let them ride our coattails for awhile. But when the time’s right, they’ll be gone faster than the fresh bread in the cafeteria.

 

(Ritsuko reads the clue.)
[MISATO & RITSUKO- NERV Girls- 6^th to Depart]
Ritsuko: The jungle?

Misato: Let’s take this one step at a time, Ritsuko. Airport first, jungle second.

Ritsuko: The game seems to be turning at this point. The weaklings are gone, and the race is getting increasingly harder and more competitive. Everything we did to gain positions before, we’re going to have to do tenfold. It’s quite the challenge.

(They get to a road. Nothing.)

Ritsuko: Once again, transportation seems to be scarce.

Misato: I bet we have to call ahead. Damn, why didn’t anyone tell us that?

(They turn around.)

Misato: Now we’re going to be behind Team Brash.

Ritsuko: I honestly doubt that those two would have the foresight to call ahead.

(A cab pulls up on the road behind them. They freeze as the cabbie rolls down his window.)

Cabbie: I’m looking for a couple guys named Ash & Brock. You seen them?

(Misato is suddenly angry, and pounds her fists. She doesn’t look at the cab.)

Misato: That better be a hearse behind me.

 

(Ash and Brock finish counting their money and leave the mat.)
[ASH & BROCK- Last to Depart]
Ash: (VO) I saw the Li cousins come back inside. They looked a little angry, and they sounded like they were calling a cab. So I told Brock and we planned accordingly. It may have just been a lucky break but at the rate we’ve been going, we’ll take it.

(Ash and Brock pass Misato and Ritsuko. Misato is still fuming.)

Ash: Hey, Misato, is there a cab waiting for us?

Misato: (angry) Go to hell, Ketchum.

(Ash looks back as they go by.)

Ash: (joking) I give you flowers and this is how you treat me?

 

(Back at the airport, Arima brings out a sheet of paper.)

Arima: Hey Yukino, remember when you said you didn’t think there was any Jungle Air?

Yukino: You found an airline? What’s it called?

Arima: Jungle Air. Who knew? Anyway, here’s a list of all the cities it runs to, and the next flight to the jungle.

Yukino: Nice!

(Kiyone and Mihoshi rush in.)

Kiyone: What’s nice?

Yukino: Here’s all the cities that Jungle Air runs to. Why don’t we all pick an airline and see which one we can get to from Beijing fastest?

Kiyone: Good plan.

(They head over to a line of phone booths and begin the calls.)

Mihoshi: (VO) Working with Yukino and Arima is really great, since it cuts the workload in half! We’re helping them, they’re helping us, and it’s just perfect, you know?

(Arima covers the receiver.)

Arima: I found one that’ll get us there at 8:50 in the morning tomorrow.

Yukino: Better than anything I have…

Kiyone: 8:10! I found an 8:10! Should I book it?

Yukino: Yeah! Go for it!

(After some talk, Kiyone hangs up the phone and flashes two peace signs.)

Kiyone: Score.

(Celebrations abound as the four high-five one another.)

 

(Takato and Henry are also at the airport, walking back from a counter.)

Henry: Well, at least we’re on the flight to Beijing. I don’t think there’s much we can do until we get there. So let’s relax and not worry about it.

(Sakura and Tomoyo joins them.)

Sakura: Takato-kun! Let me see your tickets!

(Takato reluctantly hands them over as Sakura compares his with hers.)

Sakura: We’re right next to each other on the plane! Isn’t that fun?

(Sakura hands them back, brushing against Takato’s shoulder as she does so. She and Tomoyo skips away, while Takato is blushing Henry shakes his head.)

Henry: Well, at least they’re not worried about stress.

Takato: Yeah… so which one do you want?

Henry: Excuse me?

Takato: Well, they’re kinda cute. Which one do you want? Sakura or Tomoyo?

(Henry is at a loss for words.)

 

(Yukino, Arima, Kiyone, and Mihoshi all have drinks and toast them.)

Yukino / Arima / Kiyone / Mihoshi: Kampai!

(They toast. Mihoshi drives her glass in a little too much, and Kiyone is covered in whatever they were drinking.)

Kiyone: MIHOSHI!!

(Yukino and Arima laugh. Meanwhile, behind them, Syaoran & Meiling arrive, and are greeted by Sakura & Tomoyo.)

Sakura: Li!

Syaoran: How are you doing?

Tomoyo: We’re leaving for Beijing pretty soon.

Meiling: Any chance of us getting on there?

Announcer: (VO) Flight 22 to Beijing is now boarding.

Sakura: Um… I guess not. Well, see ya!

(Sakura and Tomoyo run off, waving. Meiling quietly fumes.)

Meiling: Those two are starting to piss me off.

Meiling: They didn’t warn us about calling the cab. They didn’t reserve tickets to Beijing. And then when we do get here, they rub it in our faces. Yeah, they’re starting to get on my nerves a little bit. Fortunately, if worst comes to worst, Syaoran and I can take care of them.

(Syaoran and Meiling head to a counter to begin their search for tickets.)

 

----

 

(Four teams board a flight and it takes off. Mari explains.)
Mari: (VO) Kiyone & Mihoshi, Yukino & Arima, Takato & Henry, and Sakura & Tomoyo are flying from Xining to Beijing. Kiyone & Mihoshi and Yukino & Arima already have full connections to the jungle. They’ll be flying through Bangkok, Thailand.

 

(Syaoran and Meiling are pacing through the airport.)

Meiling: So what do you think we should do?

Syaoran: Let’s just go back to Guangzhou and find something out of Hong Kong.

Meiling: But Guangzhou might not be the next flight.

Syaoran: Well, we could go to Shanghai, but I think we’ll have more luck in Hong Kong.

Meiling: You better know what you doing, Syaoran.

(They approach a counter and book tickets.)

 

(Meanwhile, Ash & Brock are boarding a flight, as Misato & Ritsuko reach them.)

Ritsuko: Any sign of the glomping cousins?

Brock: No. I guess they picked a different flight.

Misato: Odd strategy…

(Those two board their flight, while Syaoran and Meiling board another. Another overhead map with two flights out of Xining as Mari-chan explains it all!)

Mari: (VO) Ash & Brock and Misato & Ritsuko are flying to Shanghai, while Syaoran & Meiling are flying to Guangzhou. None of the three teams have further connections.

 

(The Beijing flight lands. Takato, Henry, Sakura and Tomoyo rush out immediately and begin their quest for a connection. The other four walk out casually.)

Arima: It’s nice not having to worry about a connection.

Mihoshi: I think there’s only one thing to do at a time like this!

Yukino: Watching the kids rip their hair out finding something?

Kiyone: I was going to suggest lunch, but that works too!

(Meanwhile, Sakura and Tomoyo are being shut down.)

Clerk: I’m sorry, but we’ve never heard of this jungle place. We don’t fly there, so therefore it doesn’t exist! Next!

(Sakura and Tomoyo step away.)

Sakura: What happens if we can’t find a flight?

Tomoyo: We’ll find one eventually. They wouldn’t send us to a place that doesn’t exist.

Sakura: But we don’t know where the jungle is!

(Sakura and Tomoyo try again.)

Tomoyo: (VO) There seemed to be nobody that could help us find the jungle. None of the airline people fly into it… wherever it is. Sakura and I were getting a little frustrated. All the energy she had from Chiyo’s house seemed to disappear.

 

(The plane lands in Shanghai. Montage of shots as Ash, Brock, Misato and Ritsuko look for a connection. Finally, Ritsuko is the first to score.)

Ritsuko: Misato!

Misato: Find something?

Ritsuko: I think so. There’s this Jungle Air line. Take a look.

(Misato looks at a brochure.)

Misato: They only fly to and from the jungle to these selected cities. Anything nearby?

(Ritsuko raises an eyebrow.)

Ritsuko: Let’s find out.

(Ritsuko calls up the airline and gets some info as Misato dictates the conversation.)

Misato: (VO) You know, Team Pen-Pen aside, we’ve actually been working pretty well. I consider Ritsuko a friend, but like all good friends we have our differences. Those tend to come out while we’re working. Fortunately, the fate of the Earth isn’t at stake, and I don’t see any angst-ridden fourteen-year-olds, giant anthropomorphic robots, or Kaji. So we’ve been getting along comparatively well.

 

(Henry on the phone, while checking a couple brochures. Takato is at a nearby desk.)

Henry: (VO) It took forever to figure out where the heck we were going, and a little bit longer to actually score tickets.

Henry: I already told you, we can’t get to Bangkok. It’s sold out.

(Henry listens for awhile.)

Henry: Kuala Lumpur? We can look around for that. Look, I’ll call you back. Don’t leave me hanging, okay?

(Henry hands up and runs up to Takato, talking privately with an airline official.)

Henry: Takato! How does Kuala Lumpur sound?

Takato: Uh…

Clerk: You two seem to be having problems. Look, go to the counter across from us. I saw them trying to fill a flight to Kuala Lumpur. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t help but feel a little sorry for you guys.

Takato: Thank you. A lot. We owe you big time.

Henry: Thanks.

(They run over and book the flight.)

 

(Somewhere far, far away, at a different gate, Kiyone & Mihoshi and Yukino & Arima are boarding their flight to Bangkok.)
Kiyone: What can I say? It’s nice being in the top pack. We finally got some R&R while everybody else had to do the scrambling. This alliance is really paying off right now, and we haven’t even reached the first clue!

 

(Syaoran and Meiling are in Guangzhou, trying to catch a train back to Hong Kong. They reach the platform a little late, and they miss it.)

Syaoran: Damn.

Meiling: Next one won’t be for a little while. What should we do?

Syaoran: Maybe we can find something out of here. This is an international airport too.

Meiling: Good idea!

(They begin their search.)

Syaoran: We’re not ones to give up easily. Even if we have a little setback, it just makes us want to win even more. It turned out that missing the train in Guangzhou worked to our advantage, because we found a good flight to Manila from there anyway.

 

(The other Cardcaptor duo, however, are at their wits end. Tomoyo is still desperately looking for something, while Sakura is seated on a bench.)

Sakura: (VO) I was starting to lose hope. We were doing everything we could to try to find something, but nobody knew how we were supposed to get to the jungle. Tomoyo wasn’t even around to cheer me up. I think Tomoyo needed cheering up too.

(Sakura by now is on the verge of tears. Just a few yards away, Takato and Henry are walking by. Henry sees a food vendor.)

Henry: Hey Takato- noodles. Cheap ones.

Takato: Sounds like lunch to me.

Henry: Yeah. Let’s split a cup. Flight leaves soon anyway.

(Henry gets in line. With him gone, Takato notices Sakura and approaches her.)

Takato: What’s wrong?

Sakura: (crying) We can’t find a stupid flight in this stupid airport to the stupid jungle!

(Takato nervously tries calming her down.)

Takato: Now, now! I’m sure it’ll be okay! You’ll get there eventually right?

Sakura: Maybe next year…

Takato: That’s not the Sakura I was talking to this morning. Look, you’ve got to cheer up and find those tickets. It’s not impossible. Henry and I found them.

(Sakura sniffles.)

Sakura: We went everywhere. Nobody told us anything.

Takato: Well, I guess we did get lucky. C’mon.

(Takato takes Sakura’s hand.)

Takato: I bet they still have tickets ready. I don’t want to see you give up yet, Sakura.

(Sakura, still unsure, follows Takato. Meanwhile, Henry returns with a cup of noodle in one hand.)

Henry: Takato?

(Tomoyo approaches, armed with her video camera. She’s smiling.)

Henry: I, uh, didn’t know this was a Road Block.

Tomoyo: Come with me.

(Tomoyo takes Henry’s hand. Henry starts to blush.)

Henry: Why do I suddenly have a really bad feeling about all this?

 

(Ash is on a plane. Brock sits down next to him.)

Brock: You okay Ash?

Ash: I have a bad feeling about this. I mean, if we’re in last place, it’s us and the NERV Girls again. How are we supposed to beat them?

Brock: You worry about little things like that. My pressing concern is that I don’t have a good reason to talk to them. And worse yet, if we do beat them, they may be eliminated. What a tragic dilemma we are faced with!

Brock: I don’t want to be fighting the NERV Girls. I want to be flirting with the NERV Girls. Brock no like…

 

(A counter they were at before. Takato takes Sakura up.)

Takato: Hey. She needs to get two tickets from here to Kuala Lumpur and from there to the jungle on Jungle Air.

Sakura: Hoe?

Takato: I can’t stand the sight of you losing like this. We’ll call it a present.

(The clerk types for awhile.)

Clerk: And you’re confirmed. Hurry up, the flight leaves in 40 minutes.

(Sakura hugs Takato once more. Takato blushes, but smiles as well.)

Sakura: This is the best present I ever got!!

(Sakura skips back to Tomoyo, suddenly revived and full of life again. Henry, however, is trying to keep his temper. Sakura and Tomoyo leave, leaving Takato to the wolf.)

Henry: Are you nuts?! We worked for an hour to find that flight!

Takato: Well… uh…

Henry: I am speechless Takato. I’m all for being friendly, but that was just a little bit too friendly. You know, they still are our competition.

Takato: Yeah, but…

Henry: I don’t want to hear it. No excuse can possibly explain this.

(Henry walks away, angry. Takato follows.)

Takato: Henry, I was just… Henry?

Takato: I don’t understand what the big deal was. I helped Sakura get her tickets, and Henry starts giving me the silent treatment. I just felt a little sorry for her. Aren’t we supposed to help each other out? Winning the race is one thing, but stranding two girls in the middle of China with no ticket out of there? I couldn’t do that.

Henry: It bothered me a lot. The Li cousins effectively eliminated Spike and Jet, two really heavy contenders, by leaving them in the dust in an airport. We had the opportunity to do the same thing, to a team that we’re matched up pretty equally with. Takato ruins this chance, and Sakura and Tomoyo are alive and will make this leg a lot more strenuous. Why shouldn’t I be a little angry?

 

(In Manila, Syaoran and Meiling are at one of the actual Jungle Air desks. Strangely enough, it looks perfectly normal, and blends in well with all the others.)

Clerk: And the flight from here to the jungle will be departing shortly, so don’t wait too long to check in.

Syaoran: Right. Thank you.

(Syaoran and Meiling start walking to the gate.)

Syaoran: Well, that ordeal’s over.

Meiling: Yeah, now we just have to start the actual leg.

(They arrive at the gate, where they are starting to board.)

Meiling: Syaoran! Get down!

(Meiling shoves Syaoran into a pillar and hides behind it herself. They see both Misato & Ritsuko and Ash & Brock boarding the same flight.)

Syaoran: What is it?

Meiling: The NERV Girls and Brash. They’re on the same flight as us.

Syaoran: So what? Maybe now we can keep track of them.

Meiling: I liked traveling alone with you. It means fewer critical eyes staring as I openly express my love for you!

Syaoran: Are we getting on this flight or not?

 

(A curtain on the flight. Economy class. It’s pulled open and Meiling waves to everybody.)

Meiling: (cheery) Ni hao!!

(Neither Ash & Brock nor Misato & Ritsuko… nor any of the other passengers for that matter… are impressed. Meiling walks down the aisle, past Ash and Brock, to her seat.)

Meiling: Bet you thought you were rid of us, huh? Well you can’t eliminate us that easily! Love conquers all!

Ash: I don’t know why you’re so happy… we’re in last place.

Syaoran: He’s got a point…

Meiling: (angry) Who’s side are you on, Syaoran?

 

(The map. This time, three different flight paths, originating from Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur, and Manila, are heading simultaneously toward the jungle. Hopefully, I don’t have to explain where any of those locations are. Especially the jungle!)

Mari: (VO) All seven teams are aboard one of three flights arriving in the jungle. All three flights arrive within two hours of each other. Once they arrive, teams need to find the route marker by the lockers at school.

 

(It’s the next morning by the time the first flight lands in the jungle’s international airport. Kiyone & Mihoshi and Yukino & Arima barrel through customs and get their cabs to head to the village.)

Arima: (VO) I feel very good about working with Kiyone and Mihoshi. I think that because they’re police officers, we can trust them, and they have the same kind of determination to do well as us. It’s a match made in heaven, and we’ll be hard to beat.

(Both arrive outside the village. When I say village… I mean a large expanse of jungle that spreads out a good four square miles. There’s an occasional building here and there. Both teams depart the cabs and set out on foot into the perilous jungle.)
[KIYONE & MIHOSHI / YUKINO & ARIMA- Tied for First Place]
Yukino: Have you ever seen a place like this before?

Arima: Does Kaolla’s bedroom count?

Mihoshi: We went to a planet like this once, right?

Kiyone: Yeah, and don’t ever ask me to do a recon mission on a planet infested with man-eating plants ever again!

Mihoshi: I heard there were wanted criminals there…

Kiyone: By the time we got there, all we found were their bones!!

Yukino: (sarcastic) Nice to see the law enforcement operating so smoothly.

Arima: Shh… do you hear something?

(They shut up. Sure enough, African drums are heard, matched with appropriate language.)

Mihoshi: Wow… native.

Kiyone: Let’s be careful…

(They tread carefully through the thick jungle trees as the music gets louder. They finally spread two trees and reach a clearing. They look inside… and all promptly face fault.)

Tokosute: Wow, Gupta, you’re pretty good at this!!

(A normally dressed teenage girl, Lavenna, and a teenage boy wearing no shirt, Gupta… are playing Dance Dance Revolution to the song Afronova… despite the fact that the machine is out in the middle of nowhere with seemingly no place for it to plug in. Tokosute, a younger boy, also with no shirt, is watching them. All three are barefoot. Kiyone, Arima, and Yukino sweatdrop.)

Kiyone: What the hell…

Mihoshi: Cool! Can I play next?!

 

----

 

(The second plane arrives. Henry makes sure that he and Takato get out and get ahead of Sakura and Tomoyo. They get a cab.)
[TAKATO & HENRY- Currently in 3^rd Place]
Takato: Look, can we just forget about all this and try not to lose the race?

Henry: I guess so.

Takato: (VO) Henry barely spoke to me at all during the flight. I guess I can kinda see why he’s a little upset, but I think he’s taking this a little too seriously. I want to be friends with Sakura while we’re racing against them. Is that so much to ask?

 

(The top tier reaches the school. There is a big statue in the front of the school of a masculine-looking old guy holding a spear in one hand and several unusual looking animals in the other. All will be explained later. The two teams enter the school and see the route marker by the lockers. It’s a tad ironic that the lockers are there, since everybody in town is barefoot… except during hunts when they strap on their Adidas.)

Mihoshi: There it is!

Arima: Is it me, or did it take forever to get to this first clue?

(Arima and Mihoshi open the box, get a clue, and open it up.)

Mihoshi: Detour.

Arima: Hunting or Gathering.

 

(Mari is now seen as a cute little ten-year-old with a cute little dress and a cute little cheery attitude. Although she has both red and blue hair… segmented. Figure that one out. She holds out the Detour envelope and smiles.)
Mari: A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams need to choose between Hunting and Gathering.

(Shot of the wild jungle, and those weird-looking animals. They are hard to describe, unless you want to compare them to a miniature version of Chiyo’s father with stubbier ears and legs. They have no arms, but the ears flop around a lot and they walk on two legs. They also have a very human-like face. They are called… pokute.)

Mari: (VO) In Hunting, teams need to take spears and hunt for pokute, the staple meat source in the village. The pokute is a creature of myth and legend send directly from God to protect mankind from evil. After each teammate kills one with their spear, the team must take it back to the school and find my brother Reiji, who is also our teacher. He will give them their next clue.

(Shots of several banana trees overhead.)

Mari: (VO) In Gathering, teams have the much less strenuous, but much more extensive task of gathering two bushels of bananas. Once two bushels have been gathered, with ten bunches in each, teams will take them to Reiji and sort them by size before he hands over the clue.

 

(The two teams don’t take long to decide.)

Yukino: Let’s hunt.

Kiyone: Right.

 

(Somewhere up in the friendly skies, Ash & Brock are chatting on the plane.)

Ash: Great, so we have the NERV Girls, the Li cousins, no Fast Forward, and the back seats on the plane.

Brock: I don’t like our odds. You know what we need?

Ash: Headphones so we can hear the in-flight movie?

Brock: No… we need a brilliantly cunning plan.

Ash: You, uh… you work on that.

Brock: I have something in mind. I hate to do this to the NERV hotties, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Ash: What’s the plan?

Brock: The Fast Forward.

Ash: Um… but every time somebody talks about it, somebody interrupts and says that a team can only use it once in the race. We used ours already.

Brock: Yeah… but they haven’t.

(Ash looks at the camera.)

Ash: Now’s a good time for that interruption while I figure out what he means.

 

(Okay, Ash! The guy the statue is of is the town chief, Chourou. He has a massive wad of black chest hair, which is particularly strange since he’s starting to go gray up top. He squeezes the Fast Forward envelope in his armpits before holding it up. He poses constantly as he reads the copy.)
Chourou: Only one Fast Forward is hidden on each leg of the race! The proud alpha team that finds it first can skip all tasks and go directly to the Pit Stop!! Once a team uses the Fast Forward, they can’t use another one for the rest of the race. Therefore, they must be crafty! They must be cunning! They must use it when it suits them best!!

(Exterior shots of the village hall. Chourou suddenly has toned down his language into something much more natural and free-flowing.)

Chourou: (VO) To win the Fast Forward on this leg, a team needs to decipher the clue, which says to find the bushiest beast in the jungle. That is of course… myself! And my proud chest of hair! Once they learn that, they’ll find me at my house. Good day.

 

(Ash is talking to Syaoran and Meiling. Meiling shakes her head.)

Meiling: We haven’t really thought about it.

Syaoran: So why the sudden interest in us?

Ash: Well, I’m just wondering, because if you guys are going to take the Fast Forward, then Brock and I aren’t going to bother racing against you. You know, you can have the first cab. It’s not going to matter, because you’re just going to end up in first anyway!

Meiling: First place sounds kinda fun!

Syaoran: I guess we have to use it sometime.

Ash: Yeah!

Meiling: And we can jump back in and show Kinomoto and Daidouji a thing or two!!

Ash: Why, are you two having problems with Sakura and Tomoyo?

Syaoran: A little. They’re not helping us as much as we helped them before.

Ash: Well, that’s all the more reason to go for it!

Meiling: Let’s do that then!

Ash: Great! Well, good luck!

(Ash walks away. Syaoran shakes his head.)

Syaoran: Seriously Mei, why does he want us to do well all of a sudden?

Meiling: The way I see it, it doesn’t matter if Syaoran’s right about Ketchum. He’s probably got some interior motive to want us to do the Fast Forward. But it’s a good time for it, and we’re going to go for it and pull ahead of those other guys!

 

(Meanwhile, Brock is on bended knee, talking with Misato and Ritsuko.)

Brock: I’m at my wits end right now, girls. We’ve been arguing so long, we’ve been fighting against each other. Between the race to Chiyo’s house, and what happened yesterday with the cab, I can’t take it anymore!

(Ritsuko’s not buying it.)

Ritsuko: What do you expect us to do about it?

Brock: I’m begging you to take the Fast Forward.

Ritsuko: We were hoping to save that.

Misato: Yeah. We could have used it after Ritsuko’s Kyoto accident.

(Ritsuko turns towards Misato, confused and/or angry.)

Misato: We could have used it in China. But we didn’t.

Brock: But now’s as good a time as any, right? We don’t know how far ahead those other teams are. And given the way the Li’s took care of Spike and Jet, we need to get rid of them.

Misato: And if we go for the Fast Forward, you’ll take care of that?

Ritsuko: Wouldn’t this put you at a greater risk of elimination?

Brock: It’s a chance we’re willing to take. If Ash and I can’t beat Syaoran and Meiling in a jungle setting, then we simply don’t deserve to be in this race!

Ritsuko: (skeptical) How noble.

Brock: Yes! It is! So I’m on my knees begging you to go ahead of us. Get as far away from us as possible so I don’t have to think about trying to eliminate you sweet ladies ever again. We already used ours. Ash and I can no longer be helped…

(Misato is not sold, but sees logic in his previous argument.)

Misato: Well, we’ll think about it.

Brock: Thank you. For everlasting peace between men and women, thank you!

(Brock walks away. Misato and Ritsuko look at each other.)

Misato: Well, it’s not the worst idea in the world, even if he is the worst playboy in the world.

Ritsuko: What about Kaji?

Misato: Eh, Kaji’s a close second.

Misato: We were hoping to avoid wasting our Fast Forward, but since we’re struggling to get up to the lead pack, it would be a good way to get back up into the thick of things. I think this is another case where a good argument with Ritsuko will pay off.

 

(The deep jungle path. The four are all armed with spears, looking for that elusive pokute.)

Kiyone: I don’t see anything. Do you?

Arima: Not a thing.

Mihoshi: Shh… there’s one!

(Mihoshi points. The four see a small little pokute on a low-lying tree branch. Yukino dives after it, and misses. The pokute runs away, followed by an army of about thirty pokute running after it. Arima, Mihoshi, and Kiyone follow it.)

Kiyone: After them!

(Yukino rejoins the chase. Finally, one jumps up and Kiyone manages to impale one with her spear.)

Kiyone: Alright! Got one!

(Mihoshi randomly throws her spear into the stampede of pokute and turns around in fright. When she looks back, the stampede has cleared, leaving just the spear, pinning down one pokute.)

Mihoshi: Yay! Didn’t I do good?

Kiyone: Sure, let’s get going. Good luck you guys!

Arima: Yep!

(Arima watches Kiyone and Mihoshi run off with their pokute, then turns back to Yukino. Yukino’s randomly stabbing, with no luck.)

Yukino: Gotta get one… gotta get one… gotta get ahead of the cops…

 

(Kiyone and Mihoshi return to the school, and slide a classroom door open. Reiji-sensei, who also has the weird red/blue hair combination, is sleeping on his desk.)

Kiyone: Hey! Wake up!

(Nothing. Kiyone stamps her foot.)

Mihoshi: Hello? We need our clue!

Kiyone: Mihoshi… this is why we are armed.

Mihoshi: It is?

Kiyone: Yep.

(Kiyone pulls her pokute off the spear, and positions it down.)

Kiyone: A little jab oughtta do it.

(Kiyone delivers a quick poke to Reiji’s rear. He slowly opens his eyes.)

Reiji: Huh? What was that?

Mihoshi: We need our clue!

(Reiji lifts his head. He was sleeping on a stack of envelopes. He hands one to Kiyone.)

Reiji: There. G’night.

(Reiji goes back to sleep. Kiyone and Mihoshi go into the hallway before reading the clue.)

Kiyone: Walk to Hare’s home on the outskirts of the village.

Mihoshi: Aren’t they all outskirts here?

 

(Rapid shots through the jungle, to a small little one-floor red house. Hare, a ten-year-old boy with blue hair, stands in front of it.)
Hare: Teams must now make the half-mile walk to the house which is where me and my mother live.

(What looks to be a ten-year-old girl, with white hair, pale white skin, and a blank expression on her face, walks up to Hare.)

Guu: (monotone) Aren’t you forgetting about somebody?

(Hare suddenly turns angry.)

Hare: Go back inside! I don’t want them seeing you!!

(Guu starts walking back, but remains monotone)

Guu: Oh no… he’s suppressing me. Somebody help me.

Hare: Don’t give anybody ideas!

(Guu cracks a faint but evil smile.)

Guu: Good thing the cops are in first place.

Hare: How do you know that? The plane hasn’t arrived yet.

Guu: Hare, you really shouldn’t give away the secrets of television production.

(Hare looks at the camera and screams again.)

Hare: Ah! Edit that, edit that!!

 

(Arima finally manages to get a pokute, while Yukino already has one on her spear. They run back to the school, and struggle to wake up Reiji. A smack in the back of the head by Yukino does the trick and he forks over the clue. Arima reads it.)

Arima: Walk to Hare’s home on the outskirts of the village.

(As they walk out, they see Takato and Henry walk in.)

Takato: Hello!

Yukino: Goodbye!

(They pass each other. Takato looks back to Henry, who’s getting the clue.)

Takato: Well, at least we’re not too far behind them.

Henry: Right, Detour- Hunting or Gathering… we are hunting.

 

(The third plane lands. All three teams begin the scramble. Misato and Ritsuko continue to discuss the Fast Forward idea in the cab.)
[MISATO & RITSUKO- Currently in 6^th Place]
Ritsuko: What if Syaoran and Meiling want to use it?

Misato: We’ll just beat them to it. At least we’re in front of them.

Ritsuko: I suppose. I'm still not sure this is the best place to use it. Having it late in the race would be an advantage.

Misato: But not being in the race wouldn’t. Let’s just get up to the top tier, let Brash take care of the cousins, and all will be right with the world.

Ritsuko: I suppose.

Ritsuko: It’s true that going for it now deviates from our plans, but our position now also deviates from our plans. I consider it something of a sacrifice, but if it will get us back to the front pack, I suppose it’s worth it.

 

(Sakura and Tomoyo are at the Detour.)
[SAKURA & TOMOYO- Currently in 4^th Place]
Sakura: Let’s do the bananas. I don’t feel like killing anything again.

(Tomoyo smiles as they go get baskets.)

Tomoyo: (VO) Once again, we took the less difficult Detour. Even though we have lost spots before, it seems to be worth it. We always find a way to catch up, and Sakura seems so much happier when she’s doing something she likes.

 

(Kiyone and Mihoshi arrive at Hare’s house without incident. The route marker is outside. Kiyone gets a clue and pops it open.)
[KIYONE & MIHOSHI- Currently in First Place]
Kiyone: Road Block.

(She looks at Mihoshi, who is batting her eyes..)

Kiyone: We’re in first place. No way am I jinxing it.

 

(A Road Block envelope is squirming along the neon green grass.)
Hare: (VO) A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform.

(Hare is walking through the jungle with a picture of two people.)

Hare: In this Road Block, teams will receive a picture of Tomoyo Mamo and Seiichi Tachibara. These two have the clue, so the task is simply to find them. However, where they are located…

(Shot of Seiichi and Tomoyo, henceforth known as Tomoyo M. to avoid confusion,  standing in the weird fantasy realm with the neon green grass.)

Hare: (VO) …never mind. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

 

(As Kiyone reads the clue and begins the search, Yukino & Arima arrive at Hare’s house.)

Yukino: Hey Kiyone!

Arima: Road Block. This person must be imaginative.

Yukino: I’ll do it.

(Yukino opens the envelope.)

Yukino: Find Tomoyo Mamo and Seiichi Tachibara. Doesn’t sound too hard.

(Kiyone and Yukino set off together.)

Kiyone: Why don’t we split up? Whoever finds them can give a holler.

Yukino: Great! That way, one of us will finish ahead of the other!

 

(Ash and Brock leave the school, spears in hand. Misato and Ritsuko run in. Misato ignores the Detour envelope and opens the Fast Forward one.)

Misato: Find the bushiest beast in the jungle. The Fast Forward is on his chest.

Ritsuko: That doesn’t sound right.

Misato: Well, it’s not here. Let’s start looking.

(They run out as Syaoran and Meiling run in. Syaoran reads the Fast Forward as )
[SYAORAN & MEILING- Currently in Last Place]
Syaoran: The Fast Forward is on his… chest?

Meiling: Well, it’s got to be an animal or something. Let’s go look for it!

Syaoran: Hold on. That doesn’t make sense.

Meiling: What doesn’t make sense is why you’re waiting!

Syaoran: Mei… look…

(They look up at the big statue. And his looming chest hair.)

Meiling: So?

Syaoran: So… bushy beast with a lot of chest hair.

(Syaoran and Meiling look at each other for a second. They remain puzzled.)

 

----

 

(Takato and Henry return with their pokute. After waking Reiji up, they get their clue.)

Takato: Hare’s house. Swell.

Henry: Hey, did you see two cute girls come in yet?

(Reiji is sleeping again.)

Takato: We’ll be here forever if we try to get anything from him.

Henry: You’re probably right. Let’s go.

 

(Sakura and Tomoyo are very content picking bananas off a tree, with help from a stepladder, and throwing them into their baskets below.)

Tomoyo: Do we have enough?

Sakura: Mm!

(They step down and try to lift them. Both have trouble.)

Sakura: Hoe?

(Sakura pulls too hard and falls flat on her back.)

Tomoyo: Are you alright?

Sakura: Yes…

(They manage to get a grip on them and begin carrying them back. Tomoyo is having more trouble than Sakura, but Sakura’s the only one who seems to notice.)

Sakura: This is heavy…

Tomoyo: We’ll be there soon.

(They continue walking.)

Sakura: (VO) Tomoyo’s still really good at staying calm. She was really struggling to carry those, but it didn’t look like it bothered her at all.

(They arrive, sort them into groups of five sizes. When approved, Reiji gives them their clue.)

Tomoyo: We’d better hurry.

Sakura: Right. Bye Reiji-sensei!

Reiji: (yawning) Mm hm…

 

(At the Road Block, Yukino is still asking around. She reaches a nice young lady about Misato’s age.)

Rebecca: Tomoyo and Seiichi? I don’t know who you’re talking about.

Yukino: Really? You don’t recognize this picture?

Rebecca: I’m sorry.

(Yukino walks away swearing.)

Yukino: Damn woman, you should know your neighborhood.

 

(Meanwhile, Kiyone is talking with an old white-haired man. He’s in a lab coat and reading a scholarly medical journal.)

Kiyone: You’ve never seen them before?

Clive: That one girl looks really hot. I’d recognize her.

Kiyone: What about the guy?

Clive: There was a guy in that picture?

Kiyone: For a doctor, you’re not very observant.

Clive: Hey! I take offense to that! A woman as pretty as you shouldn’t question my authority!

Kiyone: Well, I suppose you’re reading that journal…

Clive: Yeah!

(Clive holds up the journal. However, what he was really reading slips out from in-between the pages. And of course, it’s a hentai manga. Kiyone shakes her head.)

Kiyone: I should have known.

 

(At Chourou’s house, Syaoran and Meiling walk in.)
[FAST FORWARD- Find Bushy Beast]
Meiling: We asked sleepy teacher guy whose statue it was. He told us it was the village chief and then showed us where he lives. We’re playing a hunch right here. If we don’t get it, we’re screwed!

(They greet Chourou. Or rather… he greets them.)

Chourou: Hello!

Syaoran: Hi. We’re looking for…

Chourou: Children shouldn’t rush themselves! First- I will perform a good luck ritual on you.

Meiling: We’re kinda in a hur…

(Before she can finish, Chourou grabs Meiling and stuffs her in his chest hair. He rubs her around in it.)

Chourou: Magical Touch… Miracle Light!!!

(He releases, and she’s totally dazed. He turns to Syaoran.)

Chourou: Your turn!

Syaoran: No thank you! Mei, did you find the clue?

Meiling: What, Syaoran?

Syaoran: The clue’s in there. Stick your hand in his chest hair.

Meiling: You stick your hand in his chest hair!!

Syaoran: Okay…

(Chourou poses as Syaoran reaches inside. After fishing around for awhile, he suddenly pulls out the envelope.)

Meiling: Unbelievable.

Syaoran: Congratulations, you have found the Fast Forward. Take a boat down-river until you reach the Pit Stop.

Meiling: We did it!!

(Glomping time. Syaoran is left incapacitated. Meiling turns to Chourou.)

Meiling: Where can we find a boat?

Chourou: You can use mine!!

(He pulls back a curtain. Behind it is a fully equipped motor boat. Meiling sweatdrops.)

Meiling: How primitive.

(They both put on life vests and begin to sail down. Chourou waves goodbye.)

Meiling: (VO) Man- the things we do to win this stupid race…

 

(Rapid shots down the river to an outpost marked with a yellow and red flag. Hare’s mother, Weda, narrates.)
Weda: (VO) Having won the Fast Forward, Syaoran and Meiling can go skip everything and take Chourou’s motorboat straight to the Pit Stop, a small outpost a half-mile down the river. Go them!

 

(Ash and Brock have their pokute and run past Misato and Ritsuko, who are slowly getting worried.)

Ritsuko: You shouldn’t have run out so quickly. We should have asked somebody what they mean by bushiest beast.

(Misato screams. Ritsuko turns around to find a giant grizzly bear in her path.)

Misato: That’s pretty bushy! Want to give it a shot!

Ritsuko: I think now would be a good time to backpedal and do the Detour.

Misato: Yeah.

(Both run off. Misato remains in the jungle while Ritsuko runs back to the school.)

Ritsuko: The Fast Forward idea ended up being a huge setback. We ended up completely lost. We’re not giving up, however. Misato remained in the woods to try to catch some of those pokute while I went back to get the spears. Ash and Brock were not too far ahead, and if Misato pulls through, there’s a good chance that we’ll catch up.

 

(Henry is pondering the Road Block.)

Takato: I’ll do it. You know, to make up for what happened?

Henry: (skeptical) I guess that’s fair enough.

(Takato reads the clue and leaves. Henry notices Arima and Mihoshi still waiting.)

Henry: How long is this supposed to take?

Mihoshi: I don’t know.

Arima: I’m getting a little nervous… where are they?

 

(Meanwhile, the motor boat takes Syaoran and Meiling downstream in a jiffy. They arrive and check in. Weda, a busty bluenette who isn’t afraid to show off her figure through her two-piece tiger print outfit, greets them. The screen on the route marker reads “JUNGLE GUU” in large green letters, with “THE JUNGLE” in small white letters.)

Weda: Syaoran? Meiling? You’re team number one.

Meiling: Yeah!!

(Meiling hugs Syaoran. Syaoran is happy, but he doesn’t really show it much. Weda, however, is ecstatic.)

Weda: This calls for a celebration!

Meiling: You said it!

(Weda pulls out a bottle and starts guzzling. Meiling sweatdrops.)

 

(Sakura and Tomoyo, temporarily Tomoyo D., are at the Road Block. Sakura skims through it as Tomoyo pulls out her video camera. Sakura taps on Tomoyo’s shoulder.)

Tomoyo D: (kind) Yes?

(Sakura hands Tomoyo the Road Block with a cute little stubborn face.)

Tomoyo D: Yes?

Sakura: You’re doing one.

Tomoyo D: But…

(Sakura shoves it in Tomoyo’s hands. Tomoyo smiles and continues to unload the video camera.)

Sakura: Tomoyo?

(Tomoyo walks over and hands the camera to Arima.)

Tomoyo D: Please videotape Sakura while I am gone.

(Sakura face faults as Tomoyo opens the envelope.)

Tomoyo D: Find Tomoyo. How nice…

(She walks away, leaving Henry, Mihoshi, and Arima videotaping Sakura. Guu walks by. Despite the gloomy look she had before, her face is now strikingly adorable, with pretty eyes and a cute smile.)

Sakura: Hello!

Guu: (cheery) Hello everybody! Are you having fun?

Mihoshi / Sakura: Yeah!

(Guu returns to the dark look and smiles evilly.)

Guu: (sinister) Perfect.

 

(Takato passes by an extremely frustrated Kiyone.)

Takato: Any luck?

Kiyone: Nope.

(Takato shakes his head and walks inside the house. Nobody’s around.)

Takato: Hello?

(Guu is standing there, not doing anything.)

Takato: Hey, maybe you can help. I’m looking for these two people. Tomoyo and Seiichi.

(Takato shows Guu the picture.)

Guu: Wanna see them?

Takato: You know where they are? That’ll help me so much! Where are they?

(Out of nowhere, Guu leans forward and fits her entire mouth over Takato’s head. She starts to suck away on him.)

Takato: (muffled) What the heck are you doing?

(Guu releases, grabs a pot of flowers and smashes it over Takato’s head. He’s down for the count.)

 

(Takato comes too. Tomoyo M. is watching him.)

Tomoyo M: Are you alright?

Takato: Wh… T… Tomoyo?

Tomoyo M: Were you looking for me?

(Takato sits up. He’s in a strange fantasy realm. Various worldly landmarks are scattered around, such as Mount Fuji and the Leaning Tower of Pisa. There’s also a few flying fish,  some walking cacti, and of course- the thousand-legged cat. Kitty!)

Takato: Please tell me Seiichi’s here too?

Seiichi: Is this one of the good ones?

Tomoyo M: I think so. We’ve been waiting all day to hand these out.

(Takato takes an envelope from Seiichi.)

Takato: Great. Now how do I get out of here?

(Henry walks up to Takato.)

Henry: Takato! You found the clue?

Takato: Yeah.

Tomoyo M: That means you’ll be leaving soon.

Takato: What?

 

(Takato wakes up in the house. Henry is standing nearby.)

Takato: Henry! What happened?

Henry: You were knocked out. Are you okay?

Takato: Yeah… I had this weird dream about…

(Takato feels something under him. He pulls out the envelope.)

Takato: The heck?

(Takato reads the clue.)

Takato: Now that you’re out of Guu’s stomach, you can find a raft by the river to get to the Pit Stop.

Henry: Let’s go.

 

(Shot of a series of rafts.)
Weda: (VO) Didn’t I already do this once? Aw, whatever. Teams must reach the river and take a raft downstream to the outpost, which is the fifth Pit Stop in the race. The last team to arrive will be eliminated.

 

(Takato and Henry run off. Kiyone notices.)

Kiyone: How the heck did…?

(She stops asking questions as goes back to the house. After being swallowed by Guu, she gets the clue from Tomoyo M., finds Mihoshi, and gets thrown back up.)

 

(Misato and Ritsuko get a pokute on a spear and head back.)
[MISATO & RITSUKO- Currently in Last Place]

Misato: We can still do this. This is Ash and Brock we’re talking about.

Ritsuko: I have no doubt in my mind.

 

(Tomoyo D. has found herself inside Guu. She very calmly walks past the cute little thousand-legged cat and finds the other Tomoyo.)

Tomoyo D: Tomoyo?

Tomoyo M: Yes?

Tomoyo D: Hi I’m Tomoyo!

(Both smile. Seiichi barges in, ruining the moment by handing Tomoyo D. the clue.)

Seiichi: I’m Seiichi!!

(Tomoyo takes the clue. Sakura runs up to her.)

Sakura: Hoe… did you get swallowed too?

Tomoyo D: Yes. Where’s Arima? I need my camera back.

(Arima hands back the camera.)

Arima: If you see Yukino… tell her to hurry up. I want to get the heck out of here.

 

(Ash rips open the envelope.)
[ASH & BROCK- Currently in 6^th Place]
Ash: Road Block.

Brock: I’ll do it.

(Brock gets the dirt, smiles upon seeing Tomoyo M’s face, and runs off. As he leaves, Yukino is staring at the picture, trying to see what she’s missing. She sees Ash. They glare at each other for a few seconds. The sparks fly… and Sakura and Tomoyo run through the sparks.)

Sakura / Tomoyo: Excuse me!

(They run past. Yukino sees them and runs into the house.)

 

(Takato and Henry are floating down the river on a makeshift raft.)

Henry: We should just take our time and be careful. There’s no sense in rushing this.

(Kiyone and Mihoshi come up from behind them.)

Henry: On second thought, we should be going as fast as we can!

(They try picking up the pace, but Kiyone and Mihoshi’s momentum carries them past Takato and Henry. The Galaxy Police reps reach the mat first.)

Weda: Kiyone and Mihoshi? You’re team number two.

Kiyone: All right!

(Right after they leave, Takato and Henry arrive.)

Weda: Takato? Henry? You’re team number three.

Henry: Fine by us.

 

(With Sakura/Tomoyo and Yukino/Arima gone, Brock finally gets the idea and runs out with the clue. Brock returns to Ash.)

Ash: You were in there long enough. What did you have to do?

Brock: I went to a strange, fantastical place… and I still didn’t get her phone number!

(Ash snatches the clue, rips it open, and reads it.)

Ash: Float a raft down the river to the Pit Stop. The last team to arrive will be eliminated.

(They run off as Misato and Ritsuko arrive. Ritsuko reads the clue.)

Ritsuko: It’s a Road Block…

Misato: I’ll do it!

(Ritsuko hands Misato the envelope. Misato reads it over and looks back.)

Misato: They just came out of the house, right?

Ritsuko: I believe so.

(Misato runs inside.)

 

(Along the river, Sakura and Tomoyo are taking their time, but are ultimately passed by Yukino and Arima on the way.)

Sakura: Don’t worry Tomoyo. We’re still in the race.

(Tomoyo smiles as they continue floating along leisurely. Meanwhile, Yukino and Arima are pitting.)

Weda: Yukino? Arima? You’re team number four.

Yukino: I… I’ve failed everybody.

 

(Ash & Brock are getting on the raft. However, Ash trips and falls into the water. Brock leans forward and extends a hand. He ends up getting… a hoof.)

Brock: What the??

(The Jusenkyo curse has apparently not been cured, as Ash has again turned into an ox. They both struggle to get him on the raft.)

Brock: Hang on Ash, we’ll get to the Pit Stop even if we have to swim there.

(They sail down.)

Brock: It’s a good thing that raft was sturdy. But I had thought that Ash’s curse was cured! Hot water did the trick, right? However it happened, we suddenly had a big problem, because Misato and Ritsuko were right on our tails.

 

(Sakura and Tomoyo step on the mat.)

Weda: Hey, ain’t you two cute? You’re team number five.

(They hug once again.)

Tomoyo: And I’ll be able to watch all the wonderful footage Arima-san shot.

 

(Misato and Ritsuko get a raft, and the raft race is on. Brock and ox-boy continually look backwards as they continue on. Brock, of course is the only one who can row while Misato and Ritsuko both aggressively row forward. Finally, it all comes to a head, and one team steps on the mat.)

Weda: Uh…

(Weda looks down at the ox.)

Brock: Don’t mind Ash. He’s not feeling himself today.

Weda: Well- good thing I’m open minded! You’re team number six.

(Brock sighs in relief while Ash shakes his head.)

 

(Misato and Ritsuko aggressively row all the way to the Pit Stop. They hop off and charge to the mat. They arrive, panting.)

Weda: Misato? Ritsuko?

(Silence. Both are waiting.)

Weda: You’re the last team to arrive.

(Ritsuko looks down and shakes her head. Misato forces a smile.)

Weda: You have both been eliminated.

Ritsuko: It’s disappointing to lose like this. After so many times that we’ve worked for a second chance, and after everything we did to climb up out of the holes we dug ourselves into… after all that, to lose at this point in this way is unsettling.

Misato: I’m not going to look back on this and see the mistakes we made. I’m going to look back on this and say that we were faced with some serious adversity. We could have been eliminated by a ten-year-old in pigtails. But we fought our way out of it. We could have been eliminated by a crazy Amazon who can’t speak English. But a couple things went our way and we survived. And that was just the stuff that we alone were faced with. Add the kendo blasts, crazy car rides, cursed springs, and that weird girl’s stomach… hell, what’s in store for us back home is almost relaxing!

Ritsuko: We proved that we could effectively work together in times of crisis. That’s very important. We both made mistakes, but we both found other ways to make up for them. Misato ultimately was a fine partner, and I hope we have the opportunity to see more of the world someday.

 

(Misato and Ritsuko are stepping off the mat. Weda pulls out her bottle.)

Misato: For me? Thanks, I could use that!

Weda: Go to hell, this is mine. You know, the Pit crew really gets the short end of the stick. All we get to say is “blah blah blah, you are the blah team to arrive.”

Misato: Quit your whining, try being in our shoes! Now hand it over!

(Misato goes after the bottle. After a brief scuffle, the bottle flies away, and into Ritsuko’s hands. Ritsuko lets the two argue as she walks away… taking a good swig of the contents inside.)

End Episode Five

 

Author’s Notes
Back to the Jusenkyo bit- it’s safe to assume that Cologne dipped Meiling in the Spring of Drowned Girl, with the instant Nyannichuan used as a precautionary measure. And to those Ranma fans who know the nuances of Instant Nyannichuan… I know. Don’t spoil it.

The story about Takato’s dad is semi-canon. It was a background story used by the Japanese writing staff to better understand the Matsuki family. It was one of those things they just couldn’t squeeze into the series.

The honeymoon night line is dedicated to Star Otaku and Andy Taft, who have minds as equally messed up as me and can truly understand the weird and disturbing.

Team Brash heralds back to the real series, and its tradition of derogatory nicknames.  Some teams give themselves nicknames, like “Team Guido,” the infamous Joe and Bill of the first season who named themselves after their pet Chihuahua (a partial inspiration for Team Pen-Pen), or the second season’s “Gutsy Grannies” Peggy and Claire. But the most fun ones are the ones issued by other teams. The second season had Oswald and Danny: “Team Cha Cha Cha” and Gary and Dave: “Itchy and Scratchy,” while the third season had Derek and Drew: “The Wondertwins” and Andre & Damon: “Team 911.” Brash is based off the fandom’s way of naming teams- by combining the names. The best examples are Nannily (Nancy/Emily) of season one and my personal favorite- Heave (Heather/Eve) of season three.

I’m not going to be doing much with Takato and Sakura. Firstly, it’s not exactly a new relationship that I can take credit for (although it’s rare to see Sakura Kinomoto instead of Sakura Avalon), and Sakura’s too innocent to actually notice if Takato said anything about it. Although it’s a necessarily element, because the cross-team relationship is another requirement in AR, especially since it was arguably the deciding factor in the second season (seriously- a lot of people believe that Tara slowed down intentionally to let Chris and Alex win it all).

No- Jungle Guu does not have DDR. But the first scene of the first episode does feature Hare playing an RPG video game… with one of those bosses that have unrealistic attacks that don’t seem logical. I mean, a dragon using a machine gun and a bazooka does seem a tad far-fetched.

The mystery about who or what Guu is was not answered in the main series (hopefully an upcoming OAV sheds some light on it), but all you have to know is that she’s an all-powerful creature with a bottomless stomach… that arrived in the jungle to make Hare’s life a living hell. She’s at her most evil when she’s just messing with his head.

Next Week on the Anime-zing Race-
* Time travel! Space travel! The stuff you were really waiting for!!
* A very unusual Road Block can turn friends into enemies… or enemies into friends.
* And an athletic-oriented leg could take the wind out of some teams’ sails.