Animation Survivor- The Stupid Lawsuit
Day One Hundred Eighty-Four
(Skyline of the city of
Narrator: (VO) The city of
(Fade in to an exterior shot of the Utonium residence.)
Narrator: (VO) And after a hard day of fighting crime, the girls like to settle down to some wholesome family television on another network not affiliated with this one.
(Shot of Buttercup, Blossom, and Bubbles watching television.
We cant see what they are watching.)
CBS Announcer: (VO) And now back to Survivor II- The Australian Outback. The following scene contains a graphic depiction of death and is not recommended for younger audiences.
(The PPG continue watching, unfazed. Buttercup in fact, leans
closer to the set.)
CBS Announcer: (VO) I said! This scene is not recommended for younger audiences!
Narrator: (VO) Girls, you might want to listen to that announcer.
(Still no reaction.)
Narrator: (VO) Fine, fine, screw that announcer. See if I care about some lucky stiff that got a cushy network job while Im stuck here narrating a bunch of little
Blossom: (to narrator) Shut up, its getting good!
(Shot of the screen. An animated imitation of the real Survivor II is on the screen. Since I dont know exactly who did what in that scene, Ill just call them "Castaway 1" and such, except for Michael. Hes the freak with the spear.)
Castaway 1: Look, a pig!
Michael: A pig! Ill kill it!!
(Michael grabs his spear and begins to head out. Hes stopped by Castaway 1.)
Castaway 1: Why do we need to kill it? We got those chickens
Michael: Look, were in the middle of nowhere, my primal instincts are coming out. Are you going to stop me from my cravings for blood?
Castaway 1: Usually I would but youre holding a spear in my face. So be my guest!
(Interview session with Male Castaway 1)
Castaway 1: I dont know whats gotten into Michael. Its like he has a sudden bloodlust or something. Im just going to stay out of his way when he gets like that, because I dont understand how that could happen to anyone in a situation like this.
(Turn around to show the girls. Buttercup cracks a half-smile.)
Buttercup: I could its jerks like you that cause it.
Blossom: I like it better when theyre stabbing each other in the back rather than stabbing helpless animals.
Bubbles: Was that disclaimer warning about what I thinks going to happen to that piggy?
Buttercup: God, I hope so!
(Back to the action, Michael and Castaway 2 are ganging up on a wild boar. They slowly pin it down, and Michael raises the spear. Shot of the girls as they react appropriately appropriately being Blossom turning her head in disgust, Bubbles looking sick and flying up the stairs, and Buttercup smiling and raising her arms.)
Buttercup: Yes!! Blossom, why didnt we do that on the island?!
Blossom: I dont know
if they kept you on we
probably would have.
(Dissolve. Blossom and Buttercup are watching the conclusion
to the episode.)
Jeff Probst: (VO) Okay, both Keith and Mitchell have said their piece, now its time for the other four to vote for one of the two.
(Ominous Tribal Council music starts up.)
Blossom: Im getting really sick of that music.
Buttercup: So what happens if they are still tied?
Blossom: Well I think they just have to keep voting. Thats what they had to do when there was that tie between Bubbles and that dips**t Tracey.
Narrator: (VO) Hey Blossom, watch your mouth or Ill have to put a disclaimer in front of this scene.
Blossom: (apologetic) Sorry. Theres really no other word to describe him.
(Shot of the show, and Tribal Council and Jeff announces the votes.)
Jeff: First vote is for Keith. Second vote Mitchell. Third vote Mitchell. And the final vote Keith. Crap.
Blossom: (VO) Here we go again.
Jeff: Okay, according to the Survivor bi-laws
Buttercup: (VO) Bi-laws are for wusses! Fight to the death!
Jeff: We look at votes at previous councils. Keith, how many votes have you had prior to this?
(Keith counts on his fingers.)
Keith: Uh zero.
(Mitchell has a calculator out.)
Jeff: One vote too many. Bring over your torch.
(Shot of the girls. Buttercups disappointed, Blossoms confused.)
Blossom: Thats odd, thats not how they did it with us. They had Bart and Tai vote again, and Tai switched to Bubbles and she got voted off.
Buttercup: So what?
Blossom: Hold on
(Blossom flies to a computer terminal and types up the Animation Alliance home page.)
Blossom: Lets see here Animation Survivors voting records. First episode 5 for Eric, 2 for Bart, 1 for Buttercup. Episode 2: 5 for Matt, 3 for Serena. Episode 3
Buttercup: Uh never mind, skip that one.
Blossom: Okay episode four- here we go!
(After going through the records, they near the end.)
Blossom: Episode 11- 3 for Sora, 1 for Bubbles, and 2 for Tracey! That means that he had 8 votes in previous councils, and Bubbles only had 7.
Blossom: So, that means Tracey was supposed to be voted off! (calling) Bubbles, come down here a minute.
(Bubbles flies down.)
Bubbles: Are they done with the gratuitous violence?
Blossom: Yeah, but look at this according to Survivors "dead lock" rules, you werent supposed to be voted off.
Bubbles: I wasnt?
Blossom: No, they were supposed to go on votes from previous councils, and Tracey had more than you did!
Bubbles: But its too late to complain now, isnt it?
Blossom: It may be too late to complain, but its never too late for a lawsuit!!
Buttercup: A lawsuit?
Blossom: Sure! Remember that time Mojo Jojo sued us for using excessive violence?
Buttercup: Yeah, he got mad on the stand and turned the jury into dogs.
Bubbles: That didnt go over so well with them.
Blossom: Right, but he couldve won if he hadnt done that. I bet we have a good case here.
Bubbles: I dont want to worry about lawyers and stuff, thats just
Blossom: Ill be your lawyer.
Buttercup: I dunno. Wouldnt this make us look like that Stacey Stillman who sued Survivor? Everybody hates her now.
Blossom: No everybody hated her because she tried to vote off that outspoken lazy guy who ended up doing really well.
Buttercup: Oh yeah, Rudy he was cool.
Blossom: And besides, who would hate Bubbles?
Tom: Look, Ill be honest with you, I hate Gary & Mike too, but its UPN- where quality takes a back seat to pleasing the male teen demo my kinda place!
(He hangs up. Jane Black, a secretary, walks by and hands him a large manila envelope.)
Jane: Better take a look at this Tom, it looks important.
(Tom reads the return address.)
Tom: Townsville? Thats Barbs district.
Jane: No they told me to send this to you.
(Tom shrugs and opens the envelope, where several pages of legalese are inside. He skims through it. All we can make out is the header "Utonium v. Animation Alliance Civil Lawsuit.")
Tom: Jane, get me Mark Burnett, Adam Pulver, the head of CBS, and a cup of coffee.
Jane: Yes sir. Whats wrong?
Tom: Bubbles is suing us, saying we violated the Survivor bi-laws. Thats the most absurd thing Id ever heard.
Tom: Not a word to the press about this, got that?
(Spinning newspaper headline: "BUBBLES SCREWED?: Powerpuff Girls Claim Violation of Survivor Rules in Last Summers Animation Knockoff.)
(Split-screen telephone conversation between Tom Wallace and Mark Burnett, executive producer of Survivor.)
Mark: Didnt you look through all the rules before you ran it?
Tom: I didnt think it was going to come up!
Mark: Who was your producer? Put him on.
(Adam Pulver, the author, appears, making it a three-way conversation.)
Adam: Whats going on now?
Tom: You havent heard?
Adam: Nah, weve been having dimensional troubles. Im not supposed to be contacting you guys unless its an emergency.
Tom: Well- its an emergency. Were being sued by Bubbles for
Adam: Oh yeah, I was wondering about that whole deadlock thing. Kinda weird isnt it?
Tom: Its your fault! You didnt read through the rules!
Adam: Nobody sent me a copy. I was just going off of what they did on the show.
Mark: I sent Tom a copy.
Tom: I sent Adam a copy.
Adam: I never received a copy! Just like Tai never received
Tom: (bitter) Never mind about Tai. Point is
Adam: The point is that Im completely shut off from your dimension and I have absolutely no liability because of it. Bye!
(Adams screen goes black.)
Tom: Well what should I do now?
Mark: Get a good lawyer.
(Lionel Hutz appears in the space that Adam was in.)
Hutz: Lawyer? Did somebody say lawyer?
Mark: I thought you werent supposed to use him since Phil Hartman died.
Tom: Thats only on the show. In real life, hes still working for us.
Hutz: Dont worry, Mr. Wallace. Bubbless claim of a rules violation is absolutely absurd. I went and counted the votes myself and Bubbles did not in fact win the "Survivors Cutest Castaway" fan poll. She lost to Izzy fair and square.
Tom: Actually we found out that Izzy hacked into our computers and changed it later. But thats not the point!
Mark: Actually it is- it's included as part of the case on page 48 of the suit.
Tom: Oh. I hadnt read the whole thing.
Mark: Well, Tom, the most important thing for you to do is
make sure you take this case seriously. The press is going to
make a lot of jokes about this, but as long as you treat this
with the utmost priority, you will be fine.
(Courtroom. Inside, the Tom is at the defendants table with Lionel Hutz, talking with Mark, behind the stands. Also in the stands are pretty much everybody involved with Animation Survivor, except for Barb and Manny.)
Tom: Okay, we have to treat this with the utmost priority, and take it very seriously why is Jeff Probst the judge?
(Shot of Jeff Probst, host of Survivor, sitting behind the bench, still in his safari gear.)
Mark: I unno. Hes adventurous, yet talks straight.
Tom: Watch, the first thing that comes out of his mouth is "Welcome to Tribal Council."
(Shot of Jeff.)
Jeff: You may be seated.
Mark: (OS) See, you gotta give him more credit.
Jeff: (stupidly sarcastic) Welcome to Tribal Council.
Mark: (OS) Doh!
(general laughter from most of the "audience")
Jeff: This is the case of Utonium vs. the Animation Alliance. The plaintiff is suing for $9,174.06 in lost earnings and $500,000 for mental anguish.
Tom: (OS, sotto) And what else, a set of waterproof matches?
Jeff: The defendant is countersuing for $500,000 because of "for the hell of it?"
Hutz: It was the only thing I could think of!
Mark: (to Hutz) Thats nothing, the reason listed for our suit against Stacey Stillman is "because its fun!"
Jeff: Now, lets bring out our jury.
Tom: Who is it? The digi-destined?
(Hutz turns to Tom)
Hutz: Come on, Tom, since Tai Kamiya is an important witness in this case, hes obviously not on the jury.
Jeff: Your lawyer is correct Tom- its the crew of the Nadesico!!
(Enter the jury- the crew from Martian Successor Nadesico. Present- foreperson Yurika Misamaru, as well as Akito, Nagare, Erina, Hikaru, Howmei, Dr. Inez, Izumi, Jun, Megumi, Ryoko, and Seiya. Shot of Jeff, as they fight over who sits where.)
Yurika: (OS) Akito! You can sit here, next to me!
Megumi: (OS) No hes sitting here, arent you Akito?
Hikaru: (OS) I think Ryoko wants him to sit next to her!
Ryoko: (OS) Why you little!!
(Jeff bangs the gavel.)
Jeff: Okay, the first order of business is that Ruri Hoshino is not present. Shes elsewhere doing other projects. Therefore, the foreperson has the duty of appointing one member to dispense the "baka" commentary since Im sure well be needing it today. Yurika?
(Shot of Yurika.)
Yurika: Me? Oh um how about Megumi why dont you take it? You know, to show theres no hard feelings?
(Shot of Megumi)
Megumi: Me? Um... okay.
(Back to Jeff)
Jeff: Okay. Now that thats underway, the case may begin. Would the plaintiff please present your opening remarks?
(Blossom stands up dramatically, and walks to the floor. On the way, she gets cheers from the crowd, including a few shouts of "Go Blossom!". Blossom stops, takes a drink of water, then continues walking.)
Blossom: Survivor is not just a struggle for survival against nature. Its a game of tribal politics, which through certain rules, is intended to determine a "winner" in the struggle. Through the course of the game, many proved themselves to not be up for the task. I for one, did not play the game well enough to claim victory. Thats my own fault, so there is no problem. But my client, sister, and friend did play the game well. Well enough to be the victor. But it was through the actions of the defendant, and through a clear violation of the rules, that she was eliminated from the game, costing her over $9,000 in possible earnings. We intend to prove that the Animation Alliance purpose violated the rules established and provided by Mark Burnett in order to prevent the plaintiff from winning and assist another to victory.
(Blossom sits down, to a standing ovation from the crowd. Even in the jury, Jun has stood up. Hes clapping, almost in tears.)
Jun: Yes! Give her the one million dollars!
(Nagare pulls him down quickly. Shot of Lionel Hutz.)
Hutz: No problem watch this
(Hutz stands up, to a chorus of boos.)
Tom: Oh, come on Jeff!
(Shot of Jeff, booing with everybody else.)
Jeff: Sorry but those girls are so cute!
(Back to Hutz.)
Hutz: Your honor, the claims made by the offense
Tom: (interrupting) Plaintiff!
Hutz: Right the plaintiffs are both frivolous, false, and full of nonsense. Sure the official rules were sent and received directly on Toms desk immediately after they left for the island.
(Tom slaps his forehead.)
Hutz: But his duties as host prevented him from reading them. Oh, I just thought of another good one! Since they werent there when the game began, they werent the official rules of Animation Survivor!
(Shot of Mark and Tom.)
Mark: When did they get there?
Tom: Day 2.
Mark: Oh jeez.
(Dissolve to show the actual circus/trial. Shot of Blossom showing a chart displaying where Bubbles and Tracey received their votes.)
Blossom: The two contestants involved here are my client, and Tracey, the acting court artist.
(Pan over to Tracey, who is sketching the scenario.)
Tracey: Hm? Im not the court artist!
(Tracey goes back to sketching. Back to Blossom.)
Blossom: Anyway, Bubbles received the votes on the following days- Day 21- one vote from Izzy. Day 27- 3 votes from Izzy, Tracey, and Stan.
Mr. Broflovski: (VO) Objection!
(Pan over to where
Mr. Broflovski: My client will not tolerate any accusations of attempting to remove the plaintiff from the island!
(Shot of Megumi, getting bored with the proceedings. Ryoko nudges her angrily.)
Megumi: Oh! Um baka?
(Shot of Hutz interviewing a TV ratings specialist.)
Hutz: So therefore, by deliberately keeping Tracey in the Wednesday time slot and eliminating Bubbles, it would be a relatively stupid maneuver, since the target audience for Pokémon would be in bed at the time!
Ratings Analyst: Yes
(Hutz leans across the stand and gets in her face.)
Hutz: Speak when youre spoken too!!
(Shot of Hutz interviewing Bubbles.)
(Shot of Blossom interviewing Bart Simpson, bandaged up in a wheelchair.)
Bart: (faked pain) I had to vote for Bubbles, Tom said if I didnt, he would have taken my other leg!
(Shot of Tom, angry.)
Tom: Thats a dirty trick, Blossom.
Hutz: Man she learns from the best!!
(Now, Blossom is delivering her closing arguments.)
Blossom: So therefore, not just the rules of the game were violated, but the quality of fairness in animation throughout the world. By allowing Bubbles to be eliminated in such an unfair fashion can not go unpunished. And while we respect Mr. Kamiya and believe that he too should keep the money for winning
(Tom slaps his forehead.)
Blossom: It is also fair for Bubbles to earn the money as well. Thank you.
(Blossom sits down to another standing ovation. Hutz gets up.)
Hutz: Fantastic. But arent we missing the real point? The point is that in eliminating Bubbles in this fashion, which was completely fair, we allowed the game to break wide open. Because lets face it Tracey is an evil bastard.
Tracey: (OS) Hey!
Hutz: And by letting him live to be eliminated by his arch-rival was simply the best way to do it! We were fortunate enough to have an ending like that, and the fact that it was completely fair added to the effect. Esteemed members of the jury ignore all the evidence that proves beyond a reasonable doubt that we are guilty and instead look at the most important matter- what gave us better television?
(Hutz sits down.)
Tom: Im screwed.
(Shot of Jeff Probst.)
Jeff: Jury. You will be in charge of rendering a verdict in favor of either Bubbles or Tom. Youll go down the hall, write down who you want to win, say your piece, and go back to your seat. Yurika- lead the way.
(Cue that same ominous Tribal Council music as Yurika heads down the hall.)
Blossom: (OS) Theres that stupid music again!
(Voters shot of Yurika, as she writes down
"BUBBLES" on a piece of paper and holds it to the
Yurika: Shes just so cute! How could I not vote for her?
(Yurika walks away. Aerial shot of Howmei, and Jun voting.
Voters shot of Erina voting for "TOM.")
Erina: Those little twerps shouldnt get in the way of big business!
(She walks away. Aerials of Nagare and Izumi voting.
Voters shot of Izumi, holding "BUBBLES")
Izumi: (dark) I vote for Bubbles therefore I am.
(Izumi snickers at her own joke (if you can call it that) and
walks away. Aerial of Megumi voting. Voters shot of Inez,
Inez: Its quite simple really, if you let me explain. The evidence may suggest that there might have been some sort of a mix-up in accordance to the rules, but when you look at how it would effect everybody, and how
(Ryoko walks up to her and grabs her shoulder.)
Ryoko: Come on! Other people need to vote too you know!
(Aerial as Inez walks away and Ryoko votes. Aerial of Seiya.
He holds "BUBBLES" and is smiling slightly.)
Seiya: Two cute young girls need my help in order to get what is rightfully theirs? How could I not help them- its my duty! I just hope they remember this deed down the road!
(He leaves. Aerial of Hikaru voting, and voters shot of
Akito holding "TOM".)
Akito: I think its only fair for Tom to win. Its not like Bubbles would have automatically won, and the rules they did use seemed fair enough. So thats what I think.
(Akito walks back, handing the vote box to Jeff.)
Jeff: As you know, once the votes are tallied the decision is final, and you will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately.
(Tom looks back at Mark, whose head is buried in his hands.)
Mark: I didnt pick him for his smarts.
(Jeff opens up the box.)
Blossom: Hey, I thought it was supposed to be unanimous!
Jeff: Whats the fun in that? First vote is for Bubbles.
Bubbles: Is that good or bad?
Jeff: Thats good.
Jeff: Second vote Tom.
(Shot of Tom)
Jeff: Bubbles. Tom. Tom.
Tom: Ha! Im winning, eat that
Jeff: Another for Bubbles and another for Tom.
(Shot of Blossom, trying to count the scores on her legal pad.)
Jeff: Next vote Tracey?
Nagare: Hey, somebody had to vote for the sleaze bag!
Jeff: Right then we have one each for Bubbles and Tom again. That leaves us with one vote left, and a 5-5 tie with one for Tracey. And the final vote is for
(Dramatic shots of Bubbles and Tom, waiting in suspense. Shot of Jeff, looking confused.)
(He turns the card around. It reads "JEFF PROBST." Shot of Megumi.)
Megumi: Instead of just saying "baka" all the time, I thought this was easier.
Jeff: You know youre supposed to be voting for who wins.
Megumi: Oh. I suppose that doesnt make any sense then.
Jeff: Anyway, we have a deadlock. Im going to ask the jury to
(He looks at the jury, then back at Bubbles and Tom.)
Jeff: Never mind, well just do it the easy way. Bring it in guys.
(Shot of the jury, looking blank.)
Jeff: Thats your cue.
Yurika: Oh, right! Pilots?
(Akito and Nagare walk away to the judges chamber. Ryoko and Izumi walk out of the room.)
Jeff: Bubbles? Please come to the front.
(Akito and Nagare come out with a set-up resembling the "hand on pedestal" challenge from Day 38, down to the immunity idol in the center. Ryoko and Izumi, meanwhile, have brought in Tai Kamiya and Bart Simpson, who has apparently made a speedy recovery. Hikaru drags a large background screen in front of the judges bench. From the stands, it looks like they are back on the sand spit except for the hardwood floor.)
Jeff: Here are the rules- in order to determine if Bubbles could have in fact won, we will simulate the last immunity challenge. It is my decision that if Tai and Bart would have won, they each would have been strategically better off voting off Bubbles.
Tracey: (OS) Yeah, but this is Tai were talking about.
Jeff: Ah now I see why Nagare voted for him. Anyway, if Bubbles wins immunity, she more than likely would have won in the jury count. Therefore, if she can outlast Tai and Bart, she will receive all damages sought. If however, Tai or Bart wins, the verdict goes to the defendant. Survivors ready?
(Shot of Bubbles, Bart, and Tai, on the pedestals, each with a hand on the idol.)
Jeff: This is for immunity!
(Tom leans over to Mark.)
Tom: Youve created a monster.
Mark: Survivor was never meant to be used in this way
(Mark runs towards and jumps out of a nearby window.)
Jeff: And stay in your places!!
(Bubbles, Bart, and Tai stay in their places.)
Jeff: The rest of you can have a recess.
(A school bell rings and everybody rushes out of the room, except the three unlucky kids at the pedestal.)
Tai: Well Bart, here we are again.
(Bart hops off and begins running outside.)
Bart: Well, weve already proven that I cant beat you, so Ill just be ducking out. See ya!
(Bart leaves, with Tais mouth wide open.)
(Outside, everybody is mingling. Tom is talking to Hutz.)
Hutz: Hey, everybody keeps saying that Im an underhanded incompetent?
Hutz: Well, I just did something that was underhanded, but for once it wasnt incompetent!
Tom: Is that so?
Hutz: Ryokos on our side, so I had her put a bunch of superglue on Tais hand! He wont be leaving that pedestal anytime soon!
(Shot of the pedestal.)
Tai: Aw, forget this, I dont care if you win.
(Tai tries to take his hand off the pedestal, but cant.)
Tai: Um Im stuck.
(Outside, everybodys still mingling. Slowly, people begin filing out, apparently bored. Jeff walks up to Tom.)
Jeff: Hey, Id love to stay and hand out the spoils, but
I have to get back to
(Jeff walks out of the building.)
Tom: You already got done filming that, moron!!
(More hours pass, more people keep leaving. By now, Howmei and Akito are showing the caterers how to really cook up a storm, Hikaru and Tracey are talking art stuff, and Mr. Broflovski is busy making sure nobody talks to Stan. Shot of Bubbles and Tai, still at the pedestal. Eventually, Blossom goes up to Tom.)
Blossom: You know what Tom? Wanna just call it quits? This is getting pretty stupid, and knowing those two, theyll probably starve to death before leaving the pole.
Tom: Yeah this whole thing has been nothing but a circus. Might as well call it a draw.
Blossom: Sounds good.
Hutz: Tell you what, well forget about the $9,000 in lost prize money, and well simply pay the mental anguish charges, whatever those were. I forgot.
(Tom is in absolute shock as Blossom shakes Hutzs hand.)
Blossom: That works! You know, Ive learned something today. Lawsuits are fine if theyre well-warranted, but most of the time, its just a pointless attempt at avoiding making money the old-fashioned way, and just eats up a lot of peoples time.
(Mr. Broflovski shows up.)
Mr. Broflovski: Blossom! That "lesson of the day" was directly plagiarized from one of my clients episodes! Well see you in court!
(Shot of Jun, who looks around.)
Jun: Um Megumi? Thats your cue.
(Megumi walks in, mouth full of food.)
Megumi: Hm? Tell em Im eating.
(Overhead shot of the room as the PPG guy narrates.)
Narrator: (VO) In the end, Blossom and Tom agreed to call the lawsuit off, and everybody learned a valuable lesson. However, due to the stupid actions of Lionel Hutz, Tom owed Blossom $500,000. Fortunately, Tom successfully sued Lionel Hutz to get that money which immediately went to pay Stan Marsh for illegal usage of material from his show. Gerald Broflovski kept $499,000 and the other thousand was wasted on counterfeit Terrance and Philip dolls.
(Cue the pulsating heart, as the narrator suddenly turns cheery.)
Narrator: (VO) And so once again the day is saved
(Blossom and Buttercup appear in their dramatic fighting poses.)
Narrator: (VO) Thanks to the Powerpuff Girls! Wait
(Back in the courtroom, Bubbles and Tai are still on the pedestal, alone. Tai is still trying to pull his hand off, and is also contemplating ways to chop it off.)
Bubbles: Hello? Hello? Blossom? Anybody? Hello?! Did I win yet?