Tai Kamiya Presents “Gatekeepers”

Episode Twelve- Mimi’s Getting Married!

(Ken is holding up a bouquet of flowers for Kari. He’s smiling.)

Kari: Um… for me?

Ken: I don’t see anybody else around. Especially someone like you.

Kari: Like… me? Are you asking me out?

(Ken looks down at the flowers, then up at Kari.)

Ken: Nope!

Kari: You aren’t? You sure?

Ken: No! Perish the thought! What, I can’t just walk up with an evil-looking smile and hand you some flowers? Does everything have a hidden meaning to you?

Kari: (defensive) Well, I mean…

Ken: (smiling) I hope it does. Everything does have a hidden meaning. And you understand that. That’s why I’m here- I want you to join my club.

Kari: Your political club?

Ken: Exactly. We would have so much fun together if you were to join. Discussing all the various intricacies in all the different political systems.

Kari: You mean like… socialism and communism?

Ken: (seductive) I love it when you talk dirty.

(Kari’s a bit freaked out)

Kari: I, uh… think I’ll have to take a rain check on that. I… have to wake TK up. I think I just heard his alarm clock crash through his bedroom window.

(Ken smiles and nods.)

Ken: You like TK more than me, don’t you?

Kari: What? Are you nuts?? That’s insane… that’s almost like saying that Akane Tendo likes Ranma Saotome!

(Kari rushes in. Ken looks up at TK’s window. Sure enough, there’s an alarm clock-shaped hole in it.)

Ken: You win this round Saotome… but Akane will be mine in the end…

Episode Fifteen- Ruin the Arranged Marriage!

(TK, Kari, Sora, Yolei, Cody, and Rika are heading to school.)
Sora: Wow… he gave you flowers. You shouldn’t just reject him like that. Then he might not try again.

Kari: I don’t want him to try again. I mean he’s nice enough. I could become good friends with him but…

TK: Ken’s cool, but there just isn’t enough support for Kenkari for it to work. Right Yolei?

(Yolei is staring at TK)

Yolei: Right TK…

(Yolei continues to stare, then shakes her head.)

Yolei: Man… I suddenly realized how messed up this love triangle is right now.

(Rika looks at Yolei, then turns to Cody.)

Rika: Hey Cody, five bucks says this ends as a Kenyako.

(Cody shakes Rika’s hand.)

Cody: You’re on.

Yolei: Hey, no gambling on my love life!!

Rika: We’ve got nothing else to do in this series…

(Sora points ahead and smiles.)

Sora: Hey look! It’s the bad guy for this episode!

Kari: Sora! Don’t pre-judge like that!

Sora: Sorry…

Cody: Still… who is that?

(They all look straight ahead at Mummymon, haggling some kids. Mimi stands nearby, obviously annoyed. Mummymon steals a guy’s backpack and starts dancing around.)

Mummymon: Hey look at me! I’m going to school! I’m going to learn a whole bunch of useless information so I can get stuck in some meaningless job and become a slave to society! Yippee!!

Student: Hey, give me that! My smokes are in there!

(The student grabs his backpack and runs off. Mummymon turns to Mimi.)

Mummymon: Look, I’ll see you again next week! Until then, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!!

(Mummymon hops in his jeep and drives down the walkway. Everybody, including the Gatekeepers, jumps out of the way just in time.)

Mummymon: School day, school day, acting like a mule day!!

(Once he’s gone, the kids run up to Mimi.)

TK: Who the hell was that?

Rika: Friend of yours?

(Mimi sighs, obviously depressed.)

Mimi: Actually… he’s my fiancé.

All: Oh…

(They take a couple seconds to let it sink in, then everybody except Sora does a complete face fault.)

TK/Kari/Yolei/Cody/Rika: FIANCE??!!

(Sora steps forward and shakes Mimi’s hands.)

Sora: Congratulations! When’s the big day?

(Sora looks at the others. The other five are marching away… towards Tai. Tai is backpedaling. Yolei grabs him by the collar and throws him to the wall.)

Yolei: Mimi’s getting married?? A fourteen-year old that isn’t even a major character??

Rika: What kind of episode is this?

Tai: Guys, guys… you just had this massive two-part episode where you beat Devimon. You *do* know what comes after that, right?

(TK thinks for a second.)

TK: Etemon?

Tai: No… hell no. A chain of meaningless filler episodes!

Cody: What?

Tai: That’s right! The show needs some buffer space in the plot, so there’s a series of four completely meaningless episodes which serve to build the characters of Mimi, Sora, Cody, and Joe. Of course, we only have room for two, so we’re only going with Mimi and Sora.

Cody: Wait a minute. Why aren’t we going with my episode?

Tai: Because… it’s Mimi and Sora. It never hurts to try scoring some points on the side!

Rika: Figures. This whole production is a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.

Tai: Exactly! Now we spend two episodes developing Mimi and Sora’s characters… then we actually start to see the plot again.

TK: I guess that works…

Tai: Everything works when I’m in charge. Next scene!

(The group is in the nurse’s office. Mimi sighs.)
Mimi: My grandmother arranged it. I mean he’s obviously not the catch of the day… but it saves me a lot of work!

Kari: Arranged marriages might not be so bad when it’s between two decent people who are just too lazy to find somebody on their own. But not when you have to marry… that.

Mimi: It’s no big deal, I guess. He’s a friend of the family. Now you know why I left to work here.

Cody: It is a big deal. Especially if you have to marry somebody like that. You have to tell your grandmother that he wouldn’t make a good husband. I mean, he’s an idiot. We have a word in China for people like that…

Mimi: What is it?

Cody: Mousse.

Kari: Even besides that, there has to be somebody that you like.

Mimi: Well yeah… I guess so.

(Izzy and Davis are walking down the hall.)

Kari: Who is it?

Davis: Who’s what?

Yolei: The guy Mimi likes.

Izzy: Ooh… is he smart??

Mimi: Um. Yes… he’s very smart.

Izzy: Prodigious!!

(Izzy starts dancing around.)

Davis: Is he really masculine?

Mimi: I certainly think he is…

Davis: Whoo!! Sorry Kari, but I think I’ve just been taken off the trading block.

(While Davis and Izzy celebrate, the others ignore them.)

Kari: Mimi, it doesn’t help keeping it bottled in. If you love somebody, you have to tell them. Otherwise, you’re going to go through life thinking you missed your chance.

Yolei: Is that so?

Kari: You bet.

Yolei: ‘scuse me. Izzy- You. Me. A/V room. Now.

(Yolei grabs Izzy and drags him away.)

Davis: Hey, how come he gets a piece of the action?

TK: I… don’t know.

Cody: Yeah, doesn’t Yolei have a…

(Izzy walks in with two speakers, and places them on chairs in the room. He turns to the group.)

Izzy: I don’t know either.

(Yolei walks in with a megaphone. She holds the megaphone to her mouth, and puts a microphone on the receiving end.)

Izzy: If you have sensitive ears, it may do you well to cover them…

(Yolei opens her mouth.)

Yolei: (screaming) I LOVE TK!!!!!!!!

(It was loud to begin with, but through the megaphone and the speakers, it creates a deafening roar. Everybody covers their ears, but the resulting blast is still enough to break a few glasses… and sends Cody flying through the window.)

Cody: (OS) I’m… okay…

TK: (screaming) What??

Kari: What did you say TK? I can’t hear you…

TK: (screaming) What??

(Kari is sitting on her bed, thinking about the events of the day.)

Kari: (VO) But Machinedramon’s coming and…

Ryo: (VO) So is he.

Kari: (VO) Ryo?

Ryo: (VO) He’s coming. Don’t worry.

(Sound of a tape recorder fast-forwarding.)

Catherine: (VO) I can’t predict any of it’s…

(More fast-forwarding. Kari looks over at Tai, who’s holding a microphone up to a television showing a video of the last episode.)

Tai: What? It’s better than having the others dub your thoughts.

(Tai looks back at the video and hits Play.)

Shadow: Now that those deadweights are out of the way…

Tai: Whoops… too far.

(Tai begins to rewind.)

Kari: (OS) Tai, I think everybody gets it anyway…

(Kari stands up.)

Kari: TK ran in there to save me, didn’t he? He put his life on the line and did something incredibly stupid… for me. What’s strange… is that somehow I knew he would. I never doubted him for a second.

(Kari shakes her head.)

Kari: I can’t even follow my own advice. I guess that changes tomorrow.

(Kari runs downstairs.)

(At school the next day, Davis and TK are in the classroom, chatting.)
TK: Let’s see… it’s lunchtime, and I’m hungry. AEGIS pays for all my meals at the cafeteria. The drawback is that… well it’s cafeteria food. Meanwhile, they sell Twinkies at the school store…

Davis: A good, nutritious meal anytime!

TK: Problem is they go for fifty cents each.

Davis: Quarter for the cream plus a quarter for the orange part equals a ripoff.

TK: I know. I only eat the cream anyway. So… cafeteria food or Twinkies?

Davis: How about both?

TK: Wow… aren’t we daring?

(Kari comes in nervously. She has a homemade lunch wrapped in a cloth.)

Kari: Um… TK… I, uh… was um…

(Yolei runs in, also with a lunch.)

Yolei: TK! I made you lunch! Wanna eat??!!

(Yolei plops the lunch on his desk. Her fingers are bandaged up and burned quite a bit.)

TK: Sure!

(TK digs in. Amazingly enough, it looks pretty good. Even more amazingly, it tastes good too.)

TK: Wow… this is great!

(Yolei smiles. Kari frowns.)

Davis: Hey… what happened to your hands?

Yolei: (sheepish) Um… er… I… fell down the stairs… onto a burning stovetop? Six times?

TK: Man… that’s gotta hurt.

(Davis sniffs the air.)

Davis: Hey… Kari? You got one there for me?

Kari: Um… er… no…

(Kari looks nervously at the lunch.)

Kari: No! It’s not! I have to go to um… an organizational meeting. The…

(Kari glances at a nearby bulletin board for an idea.)

Kari: That organization that studies controversial art forms!

Yolei: Isn’t that the group of guys who lock themselves in a room and watch porno?

Kari: Uh…

(Kari takes off. Yolei and TK shake their heads.)

TK: Kari’s acting weird…

(Davis runs out.)

Davis: Dude, I didn’t know we were meeting today!!

(Kari is on the rooftop, eating her own lunch.)
Kari: Why am I doing this to myself? It seems that he completely ignores me whenever Yolei’s around. Am I better off forgetting about everything?

(Someone reaches over and takes a piece of food from Kari’s lunch. Ken puts it in his mouth.)

Ken: Mm… very good.

(Kari stares at him oddly.)

Ken: Oh- was that yours?

Kari: It was my lap… you should be able to guess that it’s mine… now.

Ken: Because it’s very good. You’re an ace student, and you’re a great cook as well.

Kari: (apathetic) Thanks.

Ken: Our club is having a meeting tomorrow at the park. Would you be interested in coming along? 

Kari: Look, Ken, I told you I…

(Ken looks over the railing.)

Ken: Hey- what’s that?

(Kari gets up and looks. TK and Yolei are walking across the athletic fields.)

Ken: They appear to be heading towards the storage shed.

Kari: So?

Ken: You haven’t heard the rumors? I heard a couple kids were suspended for doing some nasty business in the storage shed. Something very… scandalous.

Kari: Scandalous?

Ken: Yes… scandalous.

(They continue watching. Yolei falls into TK’s arms.)

Kari: Impossible.

(Down at ground floor, Yolei gets her bearings back.)

TK: You okay?

Yolei: (muttering) Yeah. Just a little tired. After all I did stay up all night making that damn lunch of yours… stupid piece of…

(Yolei looks back at TK, concerned.)

Yolei: (perky) Delicious cuisine that lovingly made its way from my heart to your stomach!

(Kari is definitely concerned.)

Ken: Of course, those two didn’t have anything to do with it. But anyway… our club meeting. I would be honored if you could attend.

Kari: (sadly) I’ll be there.

(Kari runs off.)

(AEGIS Headquarters. TK enters the room. Everybody else, except Kari, is already there.)
TK: What’s going on?

Joe: I’ll show you once everybody gets here. Where’s Kari?

Davis: I don’t know. She wasn’t at the meeting. It’s a shame. We showed a really good one too- it starred two girls and a fire hydrant. Very engaging stuff. TK, you can ask your sister about it, he was there.

TK: Matt? He doesn’t even go to this school!

Davis: Yeah, we let outsiders in. Serious art study knows no enrollment policies.

Yolei: (to Joe) What do you have to tell us?

Joe: I guess I’ll fill Kari in later. Anyway, I have good news for everybody.

Sora: Yeah?

Joe: We no longer have to rely on vague warnings to tell us when the Invaders are about to attack. Mimi?

(Mimi pulls the curtain off an easel. On it is a piece of tagboard with three rectangular boxes, painted red, yellow, and green.)

Joe: We now have a color-coding system to more effectively tell you how likely we are to be threatened by Invaders!

(Mimi points to the green box.)

Joe: If we are at the green stage, it means that there is no threat of Invaders in the near future, and you are free to develop your characters or give the audience cheap fan service.

(Mimi points to the yellow box.)

Joe: The yellow stage means that we should be guarded. An Invader attack is likely, but the odds are good that one of you guys will, by some eerie coincidence, be on the spot when it happens.

Mimi: If we’re in a yellow stage, never walk alone in the middle of nowhere without carrying a cell phone.

Joe: Exactly. Finally is the red stage. That’s the most nerve-wracking one. That one means the Invaders just decided to pop up in the middle of nowhere and start raising hell. When we’re in red, drop whatever you’re doing, whether that be love triangles, mopy flashbacks, or any other semblances of a plot you may be involved in. Forget about all of that and go save the world.

Cody: So what stage are we in now?

Joe: Good question Cody! We are in… black.

TK: Black?

Joe: Yep. That means that the Invader has already been introduced, but we’re just too damn incompetent to know about it.

Mimi: Essentially- we’re in the dark!

Rika: How do you not know about the Invader if he’s already here?

Joe: Well… we spent most of the week putting this color-coding system together. Kinda forgot about monitoring the city and stuff like that.

(Rika slaps her forehead.)

(The next day at school. Kari is walking into the classroom, in the middle of a conversation between TK, Davis, and Yolei.)
Davis: Well, of course I’ll be there. I mean… she kissed my finger once. That’s the closest I’ve ever been to sex.

Yolei: Definitely. Even if we can’t convince her that she’s out of her blooming mind in marrying that waste of chromosomes, we should at least see her off.

TK: So are you coming too Kari?

Kari: Where?

Yolei: Train station. Mimi’s leaving for home after school with bandage boy. We’re all going to the train station.

TK: Yep. Davis, Yolei and I are already in, we just have tell the others.

Kari: Well… um…

(Kari looks at Yolei and TK, standing next to each other. She looks towards the door, where Ken is standing.)

Kari: Actually I have another engagement. Sorry.

(Kari runs towards Ken. They leave together. TK’s a bit confused.)

TK: Oookay

(At the train station, Mummymon and Mimi are in line to get tickets.)
Mummymon: Hm… uh oh. I seem to be a little short. Honey, buy the tickets.

Mimi: Why me?

Mummymon: Because I’m in charge, that’s why!

(Mimi shakes her head and pays.)

Mummymon: And while you’re at it, buy me some lunch too. But not until we’re on the train!

Mimi: But it’s more expensive on the train!

Mummymon: I’m not the one paying it. Why should I care? Food tastes better when your cruising through the countryside. Right?

(Mummymon puts an arm around Mimi.)

Mimi: This is a lesson… never piss off your grandmother. If she wants to hug you until you choke to death… you better let her hug you until you choke to death.

Mummymon: What happens if I want to choke you to death??

Mimi: (muttering) Now what I did to piss off the director is beyond me.

(The park. Kari and Ken are walking together.)
Ken: I’m so glad you could come.

Kari: Yeah… what else am I going to do on a Friday afternoon?

Ken: You know, you have no idea how much it means to me that you join the group.

(Ken leans in close to Kari, with an almost sinister smile.)

Ken: It would mean the world.

Kari: (VO) If you love somebody, you have to tell them. Otherwise, you’re going to go through life thinking you missed your chance.

(Kari isn’t sure where that came from. She continues.)

Kari: Anyway, I…

Kari: (VO) If you love somebody, you have to tell them. Otherwise, you’re going to go through life thinking you missed your chance.

(Kari looks offstage.)

Kari: Stop it Tai!

(Tai is again on a VCR, playing the clip over again.)

Tai: I dunno… something didn’t sound right. Wanna do it over again?

Kari: (OS) No!

Tai: Okay, okay, okay…

(Kari walks up.)

Kari: Wait a minute… you’re actually analyzing my performance and trying to get me to improve as an actor?

(Tai does a double-take.)

Tai: Uh… sure!

Kari: Wow, maybe you aren’t as bad a director as I thought!

(Kari gets back into position. Tai rewinds the tape. The tape plays a promo for Fox.)

Announcer: (VO) And now… the series finale of “The X-Files.”

(The tape cuts again to Kari talking to Mimi.)

Kari: (VO) If you love somebody, you have to tell them…

(Tai buries his face in his hands.)

Tai: (upset) I can’t believe I taped over it!!
(Meanwhile, Kari is looking at the tape, while Ken continues talking.)

(The rest of the group is at the train station.)
Cody: Where is she?

Sora: I don’t know. Maybe they switched trains.

TK: Why would they switch trains?

Rika: Who knows? Point is- she isn’t here. Let’s split up and find her.

Sora: Yeah. We have to say goodbye!

Yolei: No! We have to tell her that she’s making a mistake.

(They split up to look for her.)

(Elsewhere at the station, people are boarding a train.)
Mimi: Why aren’t we taking the express?

Mummymon: You’ll get motion sickness.

Mimi: No I won’t.

Mummymon: Find then. I’ll get motion sickness.

Mimi: Oh. Fair enough.

Mummymon: Come on!

(Mummymon is about to shove Mimi on the train.)

Kari: (OS) Stop!!

(They look over and see Kari marching towards them.)

Mummymon: Who are you?

Kari: Mimi, you don’t have to do this. You have to decide for yourself who you want to marry.

Mummymon: Look, I paid good money to marry her, and the customer’s always right!

Kari: Mimi, you love somebody else. You have to tell him how you feel!

Mimi: But…

Mummymon: She’s mine!

Kari: No she’s not!

(Mummymon charges after Kari.)

Mummymon: Yes she is!

(Kari dodges Mummymon, causing him to rush into a rack of sunglasses.)

Mimi: Are you okay?

Kari: Yeah… I’m fine.

Mummymon: You won’t be!!

(Mummymon takes out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on.)

Mummymon: Boo!

(Nothing happens.)

Kari: Uh…

Mummymon: Hold on…

(Mummymon tries on a different pair. Nothing. He continues, using the several pairs of sunglasses lying on the floor. Mimi and Kari sit on a nearby bench.)

Mimi: Is this going to take long?

Kari: I hope not…

Mimi: Thanks for stopping by.

(Mummymon continues to no avail.)

Kari: Were you seriously planning on marrying him?

Mimi: You know I haven’t really decided yet. I was just going to go with because hey- it’s a day off work!

Kari: Oh!

(Mummymon puts a pair on, and smiles.)

Mummymon: Now we’re cooking!

(Kari stands up and pulls out her bow and arrows. Mummymon goes into his attack form.)

Mummymon: Surprised?

Kari: No… am I supposed to be?

(Kari aims…)


TK: Hold on Kari!

(The rest of the group is standing nearby.)

TK: We’re in this together!

(They run up to join her in battle.)

Yolei: I thought you said you weren’t going to make it.

Kari: Well… I changed my mind.

(Quick cut to Ken, standing alone in the park.)
Ken: You know… even if I didn’t think she was going to run off on me…

(Ken turns, and looks at the train station… right across the street.)

Ken: I probably shouldn’t have picked the park right next to the battleground.

(Ken shrugs.)

Ken: Well, the bad guys are losing this episode!

(Everybody attacks Mummymon.)

(Sora plays a grand piano, which just happened to be standing nearby.)


(Cody attacks.)


(Yolei picks up a nearby street cart and throws it at Mummymon.)


(Rika holds out a hand.)


(A giant green wall falls on Mummymon. And then, the finishing touch…)


(The arrow shoots right through Mummymon, which doesn’t do much since there wasn’t much left after all those attacks anyway.)

Mummymon: Um… ow?

(Mummymon blows up.)

(The entire group, including Mimi, is walking back after the so-called battle. Joe is walking up to them. Mimi immediately freezes. The others look up at her and see her reaction upon seeing Joe.)
Yolei: Let’s uh… check out the gift shop.

Sora: Good call.

(They duck away. Mimi is left. She seems a bit bashful.)

Joe: So you aren’t leaving now?

Mimi: Um… no. No I’m not.

(Joe nods, then turns around. Mimi seems like she wants to say something.)

Joe: Because I’m glad.

Mimi: You are… commander?

Joe: Yeah. It’s nice having you around.

(Mimi smiles.)

Mimi: Thanks!

Joe: You uh… look like you want to say something.

Mimi: Uh… er… well…

(Joe checks his watch.)

Joe: My indicator says we’re in green. There’s nothing wrong with saying something that develops your character.

Mimi: Just happy to still be working for you Joe.

Joe: Oh. Great.

(They walk off. The Gatekeepers are left unfulfilled.)

TK: Why do I get the feeling that…

Rika: Yeah, I think we all get that feeling. Who had Joe?

(Sora raises a hand.)

Sora: That was me!

(Everybody hands Sora money.)

Sora: (smiling) And who said that Mimoe was dead?

TK: I just can’t figure out why she didn’t tell him right there.

Kari: Well… it’s harder than it sounds.

(Kari looks at TK.)

Kari: Trust me.

(While they finish up the scene, Tai looks over to a skeptical Takato Matsuki.)
Tai: Well, Takato, what do you think?

Takato: Sorry. It doesn’t do anything for me. There’s no romance in it.

Tai: What do you mean there’s no romance in it?

Takato: You guys are just goofing around. Not even close to my third season standards. I’m used to really serious romantic struggles.

(Takato smiles and walks out.)

Takato: Sorry… I have a train to catch!

(Tai shakes his head as Yolei approaches.)

Tai: Shoot… I wanted him for a guest spot.

Yolei: Don’t sweat it Tai. You and your first season romantic tangles are no match for the contemporary stuff. You should see the fourth season. Only one word to describe Zoe- “Damn.”

(Once more- the next day. The kids are walking to school.)
Yolei: Well, I’m just glad that whole mess is over with.

TK: Oh no… what the hell??

(They look up ahead. This time, Mimi looks very embarrassed… standing with Oikawa. Oikawa is bugging kids with a sinister smile.)

Oikawa: Hey kids, wanna be smarter? More athletic? I can cure what ails ya!

(TK shakes his head.)

Kari: Aw jeez… not again.

(They all run up to save the day once more. Rika lags behind slightly. On the way, she passes Ken eyeing her down, an evil smile on his face. Rika stops, then turns around. Ken is nowhere to be found.)

End Episode Twelve

Author’s Notes
I sincerely hope that even if you haven’t seen Ranma, you at least get the jist of what the discussion was about.

It was just announced that Izumi’s dubbed name in Digimon Frontier was going to be Zoe. And trust me- from what I’ve seen of it, she’s so flirtatious she makes Yolei look like Rika.

Next Episode- Sora's Giant Robot of Love!
Despite the various opinions of Digimon fans across the globe, they can all agree that the greatest moments of the series were in the first season, with the trials and tribulations of Sora Takenouchi, and how her strained relationship with her mother affected her position on the team. Okay… maybe they weren’t the greatest moments. But since fans either 1) connected deeply with her, 2) had a good laugh, or 3) got some cheap Taiora out of it, the sappy Sora episode deserves new life in the context of Gatekeepers.